AGONY

To those who have had no agony Jesus says, "I have nothing for you; stand on your own feet, square your own shoulders.  I have come for the man who knows he has a bigger handful than he can cope with, who knows there are forces he cannot touch; I will do everything for him if he will let Me.  Only let a man grant he needs it, and I will do it for him."
-- The Quotable Oswald Chambers

It's not popular to talk about "agony" in Christian circles.  It's almost like talking about "hell" - and who in this "Don't Worry Be Happy" world wants to hear about either of those words?  When someone comes up to you at church and asks how you're doing, they're really not expecting, or wanting, you to reply with, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm in great agony...."

They want to hear the "Good..... Everything's Good!  Praise God!  I'm Rejoicing and Glad!"

But sometimes it's not all good.  You hope that joy will indeed come in the morning because it sure ain't came today! 

My son's autism journey has been an agonizing one.  Full of anguish.  Agony.

Sometimes I think no one in the world can relate to that. 

But Jesus can.

In the middle of the pitch black night when all I can do is hold my convulsing son as he fights to survive another seizure, there's one person there with me who understands such agony.

Jesus.

As I sit here and type this, all I can hear is my son stomping and humming in his room.  Like a jackhammer hammering my brain.   Who could possibly ever fully comprehend the repeated agony of that?

Jesus.

Sure, many can relate.  Many experience what I do.  But none understand our agony as only Jesus can.

None can comfort as only He can.

Oswald Chambers says it best.....

".........  anyone can have a fellow-feeling for a poor unfortunate being and can sympathise with him, but who among us can understand agony which goes deeper down than can be put into words?  Who but Jesus Christ?"

He understands because he's been there.

And is here now.

Psalms

Day 42

Psalms

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.  My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long...

But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.  Your ways, O God, are holy.  You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.  With your mighty arm you redeemed your people....

Restore us, O God...

Restore us, O God Almighty...

Restore us, O Lord God Almighty...

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere....

O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Restore us again, O God our Savior...

The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.  Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.

For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.  I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.  For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

Psalms

Day 41

Psalms

Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Psalm 51
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 52
I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.

Psalm 55
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

Psalm 56
When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?

Psalm 57
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.

I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Psalm 62
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 67
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Our God is a God who saves...

ABIDE

John 15:4
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
-- The Quotable Oswald Chambers

Abide means "to wait" "to remain, continue, stay" "to endure without yielding" "withstand, "bear patiently" "tolerate" "dwell" "reside"

Oswald says about abide that "there is no condition of life in which we cannot abide in Jesus.  We have to learn to abide in Him wherever we are placed."

My friend Teresa sent me a wonderful encouraging e-mail about how God is the vine and we are the branches and how nothing happens in our life without his knowledge.   I was so encouraged by that reminder.  By her words.   I know that as a believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior -- He abides in me, and I in Him.  He dwells in me because of that blood covenant.

But I've never considered the action part of that in my life.  Abide is a verb - verbs are action.  Even as I abide in Christ during hard times and trials, it isn't that God is quiet and doing nothing, as it sometimes seems. It's that He's busy abiding in me - pursuing me, as I pursue Him.  He is "Abiding in Me, and I in Him."

It's so easy to think we're a branch dangling in the wind, with our lonesome self.

But that's not true.

When we abide in him, we are never alone.  Never forsaken.  Even as I'm waiting for healing in my son, I am abiding.  Doing all I can.   Praying.  Even as I endure without yielding - defeat upon defeat - I am that branch, clinging to the vine.  Even as God himself bears with me patiently, tolerating my faults & foibles, He continues to dwell and reside in me.

He Abides in me.

He Never Gives Up.

He Never Quits.

What a comfort that word is to me today....  So many times I've felt like a dangling leaf at the end of that branch at the mercy of the slightest breeze.  So very many times people who I thought were my friends have cut me off over misunderstandings or hurt feelings.  In a few instances I've been disillusioned and burned by false idols.  Heroes I thought could do no harm, yet did.

But not God. 

Not my vine.

He's always got my back.

No.matter.what.

In John 15:5 God says, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing."

We can choose to abide in so very many things or people that are far from Christ.  But if we're not abiding in Christ, our abiding is in vain.......

Abiding in Christ I can do all things...
...endure without yielding
...withstand
...bear patiently
...tolerate

No matter what condition my son is in or what circumstance of life we must face -

I will abide in Him.

I will Never Give Up.

I will Never Quit.

Psalms

Day 40

Psalms

Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.


Psalm 24
Who is he, this King of glory?  The Lord Almighty --- he is the King of glory.

Psalm 25
Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 27
The Lord is my light and my salvation -- whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid?  When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.  Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path....

I am still confident of this;  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 28
Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy.  The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Psalm 29
The voice of the Lord is over the waters ---
The voice of the Lord is powerful ---
The voice of the Lord is majestic ---
The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars ---
The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning ---
The voice of the Lord shakes the desert ---
The voice of the Lord twists the oaks and strips the forests bare ---

Psalm 30
O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.

....weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Psalm 31
Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.  Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.  Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.

Psalm 33
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.  In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.  May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 34
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.

The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 36
Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.  Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep.

Psalm 37
Trust in the Lord and do good ---
Delight yourself in the Lord ---
Commit your way to the Lord ---
Be still before the Lord ---
Wait patiently for him ---
Do not fret ---
Refrain from anger ---
Turn from wrath ---
Turn from evil ---
Do good ---
Wait for the Lord ---
Keep his way ---
Consider the blameless ---
Observe the upright ---
Take refuge in him ---

Psalm 40
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done.  The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

Psalm 44
You are my King and my God -- Through you we push back our enemies; through your name we trample our foes.  I do not trust in my bow, my sword dos not bring me victory; but you give us victory over our enemies, you put our adversaries to shame.  In God we make our boast all day long, and we will praise your name forever.

ABANDON

I am convinced that what is needed in spiritual matters is reckless abandonment to the Lord Jesus Christ, reckless and uncalculating abandonment, with no reserve anywhere about it; not sad, you cannot be sad if you are abandoned absolutely.

There is no royal road to becoming a worker for God.  The only way is to let God in His mighty providence lift the life by a great tide, or break it from its moorings in some storm, and in one way or another get the life out to sea in reckless abandon to God.... We say, "Let me get back to the 'duck pond,' to its limitations, where all is so simple and placid and easy to understand."  We may go back to our "duck pond" and be a success there, but God wants to launch us out into the ocean.

Abraham's obedience was far from perfect, but its great characteristic was its unreservedness.  Abandon in the profound sense is of infinitely more value than personal holiness.

The note of the Christian life is abandonment to Jesus Christ.  That life is not a hole-and-corner business whereby I look after my own speckless whiteness, afraid to do this and that, afraid to go anywhere in case I get soiled.  The whole life is summed up in a passionate absorbing devotion to Jesus and the realisation of His presence.
--- The Quotable Oswald Chambers


I'm coming to love that word -- abandon.  And what it should truly mean in my life.  The place it should hold in my life.  In my every day.  Every moment.  How often am I "abandoned" to my Twilight books.  My music.  A movie.  Abandoned in love for my husband.  Abandoned to healing my son who has autism.  Abandoned to his very autism.  Abandoned passionately to so very many things -- except the one thing that matters most:  Following Christ.

What, or who, are you abandoned to more than Following Christ?  Seeking Him?  Praying to Him?  Reading His words?  Serving Him?

Psalms

Day 39

Psalms

Some authors have likened the Psalms to a modern-day way of "Singing the Blues"...

I guess that's one way to put it - after all, there are many Psalms that are about grief, disappointment, or urgent pleas for help.

But to me, the overall message is one that speaks, no sings, -- of how God Reigns.

Of how through the Good, the Bad, and the extremely Ugly, -- God is still God, He is Great, and HE REIGNS.

My favorites from today's reading....

Psalm 1
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers.

For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

Psalm 2
Therefore, you kinds, be wise; be warned, you rulers of the earth.  Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling.

Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Psalm 3
But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

Psalm 4
In your anger do not sin....
Trust in the Lord....
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 5
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.  Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.  For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Psalm 7
I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.

Psalm 8
O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Psalm 9
I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders.  I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.  Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 11
For the Lord is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face.

Psalm 18
I love you, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.  He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.  He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.  They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.  He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock!  Exalted be God my Savior!  He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, who saves me from my enemies.  You exalted me above my foes; from violent men you rescued me.  Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O Lord; I will sing praises to your name.

The Retribution Principle

Day 37 & 38

Job

During the time that this "Journey through the Bible" brought me to the book of Job, our family was going through -- well -- the book of Job.  I guess since then I've been having my own temper-tantrum with regards to those events and purposefully blocking myself from continuing this journey.  It was just too hard.  The events too unfair.

Thus the title of this post:  The Retribution Principle.  The belief that the righteous will prosper and the wicked will suffer.

The righteous person who had endured so much should have prospered.  A wicked person should not have caused suffering.

But he didn't.

It did.

I remember as if it were happening now, where we were, what our family was going through, when I realized how that is just not how the world works.  It's not how imperfect people work.  As much as I want to believe in karma, it just doesn't exist.  I can only believe in the one perfect God.  His perfection does exist. 

His purposes do perfectly prosper.

Sitting in that chair where I was reading this days passage in Job,  I had to literally choke on these words:

"God's justice is beyond our ability to assess."

What stung more than anything in life thus far, was realizing the error in my belief that if God is just and truly runs the world, then the world must operate justly.

I've been in a seven month pause pondering that above sentence.

What soothed that sting since then, has been slowly, painfully, learning how to trust in the One whose insight, whose wisdom, whose purpose in pain, suffering, victory, defeat, is beyond my human understanding.

It's so easy to think that somehow we deserved any misfortune.  That it was punishment for something.  At the time we're going through such things it certainly feels that way.  I guess if there's anything to come away with from the book of Job -- from life's suffering or disappointments, it's how false that belief is.

To understand the book of Job, life, is to switch from the obsession of "why" the suffering, to rather what purpose does God have for me in that suffering.  What Glory of God is revealed through that suffering.  In those disappointments.  Along those detours.

It's hard to deal with questions like in Job 2:10 that ask, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

Gulp.


I vow to focus more on Job 6:10 --- "Then I would still have this consolation -- my joy in unrelenting pain - that I had not denied the words of the Holy One."

When He tests me, I want to be like Job 23:10 that says "....when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.  My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside.  I have not departed from the commands of his lips;  I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread."

Why?

Because of what it says in Job 19:25 --- "I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.  And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes -- I, and not another.  How my heart yearns within me!"

Do you know how the book of Job ends?

Job 42:12 "The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first..."

Doesn't make pain, suffering, disappointment, or unfair things any easier to bear. 

But it sure makes bearing them a little more worth it.