Day 72
Part III
Mark 10-16
Believe it, even if you can't see it --- as Jesus predicts his death and resurrection - as he tells us to believe that even from the bottom of the deepest, darkest pits, we will be first. If we put HIM first in all we do, pursue HIM above all. Serve in HIS name always.
Mark 10:14
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
This verse is so profound -- how often do we big, smart adults think we have it all together? We grow up and lose our innocence, our inquisitive nature, our ability to imagine.... Where as a child we believed in what we couldn't see -- as an adult, if we cannot see it we do not believe it.
Mark 10:21
Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
How often those very words trip us up! One of the many things in this life I am so thankful for, is that I've seen what that love of money does to one's thinking, how they live. I know so many whose only focus is how to get more while doing less. Trading things for relationships. Time to earn more, but no time to be more. Investing in portfolio's, not people. Oh how time and time again I have longed for a relationship with relatives only to be told how busy they are. I guess that has shaped my views in trying to always be conscious of putting people I love before profits. I can see both sides of that coin, because of that I simply know which side of that coin I want to be on.
And it's a blessing and curse. Being Brandon's primary caregiver doesn't allow me much time to truly invest in others I long to have that relationship with. My "other" son -- I weep over all that I've missed. And now I have not one, but two Grandfishies whom I hardly get to see because of all that I must invest in simply caring for Brandon. I guess that's why this verse stands out to me, I do get angry at those who squander time they could be investing in others they love, or merely like! What I would give for those opportunities others have!
Mark 10:22
At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"
How truly hard it is for those focused on money and things to see the world as we have had to see it because of our life with Brandon. It is not things, it is not money. It is service, helping, being there for others more than working for self.
Mark 10:27
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
Oh how I wrestle with that one. Knowing "all things are possible" with God is not the same as all things being possible. That's where my faith lies in that space between the sacred and mundane of believing. Why don't you make treatment possible for Brandon? Affordable? Why can't you allow Brandon to sleep through the night? Why can't you stop Brandon's humming, growling, raging? Ugh, to have that insight.
Until then I simply cling to the HOPEISM that all things are possible. And the prayer that HE makes them possible for Brandon in this life.
I have to chuckle when I read Mark 10:29 where Peter says to Jesus, "We have left everything to follow you!"
Have you? Have you sacrificed everything, left behind every milestone and dream and opportunity? I get so bewildered by how anyone outside our brand of suffering in "Life with Autism, Seizures, & a side of PANDAS" can even say that. Brandon's life is a thread woven in every aspect of our life, pulling tighter and tighter with every passing year. With every missed milestone of his, of ours.
I get so sad at that. The strongest Christians among us are those who can be like Paul in prison, literal or figurative, and still cling to HOPEISM.
That HOPEISM found in Mark 10:29 where Jesus replies, "I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last, first."
I pray that for Brandon, Lord.
He has left behind his entire life because of vaccines.
I pray that for him in this life, in this life to have peace, healing of what hurts and causes such outbursts and lack of sleep. Healing to let him be who you meant for him to be before he was injured.
Mark 10:43 - 45
Jesus speaking: "Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
Mark 11:17
Is it not written: "My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations."
Mark 11:22-25
Jesus answered, "Have faith in God, I tell you the truth if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
Mark 12:28-30
Which is the most important commandment?
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' There is no commandment greater than these."
I love the lesson in the poor widow of Mark 12:42-43. It's such a profound reminder of how we are to BELIEVE that if we give HIM our all, HE will give us HIS ALL. It's easy to give much when you have much -- but oh -- I want the faith of that widow who gave much when she had LITTLE!
"But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything -- all she had to live on."
Mark 13:13
"....but he who stands firm to the end will be saved."
I think that's my HOPEISM motto. To simply at the last breath of my life, to be able to say I stood firm in faith and held fast to my HOPEISM. Have I stumbled in that? Yes. Have I fallen? Yes. But I've always found my footing. I've always stood back up. Each time satan knocked me down, God helped me back up.
Mark 13 is full of such HOPEISM:
Stand firm
He who does will be saved
Do not be alarmed
Do not worry about what to say
My words will never pass away
Be on guard
Be alert
Keep watch
Yet as we find in Mark 14, sadly, we don't do those things to keep our HOPEISM. We fall short. We drop our shield. We slumber.
I often cringe as so very often before I've been with Brandon five minutes in the morning, I am cursing God for allowing such hardship!
Mark 14:30
"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered "today --- yes, tonight --- before the rooster crows twice you yourself will disown me three times."
I feel a bit redeemed when I think that Jesus gets my doubts.
Mark
That he too wished this cup of suffering could be taken from him as I long for mine to be taken from me!
Mark 14 continues with Jesus himself lamenting:
My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow
Take this cup from me
But he ends with what I desire to truly feel in my soul --
"Yet not what I will, but what you will."
And so it was.
The rest of Mark the conviction, crucifixion, the cross.
It's about Jesus.
But it's Brandon. It's what I pray so hard for one day for Brandon. For the industry that harmed his health to be that criminal. Accused. Tried. Convicted. Crucified. For all those who lied, harmed, mandated. For all who caused such tragedy that has befallen an entire generation to be found guilty!
We are one step closer with RFK, Jr being confirmed as HHS Secretary.
May the Odds be Ever in His Favor.
As they were in HIS.
May the truth rise.
As Jesus rose.
Mark 15:33
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
I pray no other Brandon is ever forsaken again by vaccine injury............................
