I've been to church twice now in recent weeks.
That is a significant way to begin this story, because for the last three years we've not been able to go the majority of the time due to Brandon's health decline. The very few and far between times we could have gone, we didn't. Simply too exhausted from 24/7 autism and no help. Simply too far behind in things that must be done due to 24/7 autism and no help. Simply, satan. Allowing petty things not of the spirit to make me think that I've been gone too long, why come back now. But as God does so well, He continued his pursuit of me, and twice now I've been back. Oh, how good it has felt to be back...
I am so glad we made it today. Late, but we made it. I wouldn't have wanted to miss hearing the Holy Spirit speak mightily through such a meek young man who to the world has a disability, but to God is perhaps one of the few who have true ability. Ability to sense and respond to the Holy Spirit in a way the smartest and most perfect of us will never, ever comprehend.
As if he knew what the Pastor would be speaking about later in the message, at the end of one of the worship songs he began screaming out at the top of his lungs, "I LOVE YOU GOD!" Over and over, he cried out, "I LOVE YOU GOD!"
I was on the other side of the church and it took me a few seconds to discern what he was saying... Even as the music died down and most had stopped singing, there he was, "I LOVE YOU GOD!"
And I wondered as I stood there, how many in this church felt embarrassed that he was doing that. That perhaps visitors would be scared or freaked out about such a vocal display. I wondered who silently thought he shouldn't be there front and center of the church with his peers and friends who too have disabilities. That they should just worship together in their own little corner of the campus, so that us holy ones aren't interrupted. I wondered as I'm going through Experiencing God Bible Study myself, how many may have been bummed that their personal worship was ruined by his loudness --- or if they recognized that the interruption of their worship, was perhaps an opportunity for them to tune in where God was working and join Him there -- in pure worship where there are no barriers. Just a transparent window to God.
God was not working in that young man who the world considers 'the least of these' through a style of music, through who was leading the music, or because there was a band, a choir, or beautiful stage. God was not working in that young man because a hymn was playing, contemporary music playing, or no music playing.
God was working in that young man through worship. Pure, and simple worship. Not by the sound of the song, but though the words of the song. Words saying that God is love. God is Holy. God saves, forgive, redeems, revives...
If a young person who has disabilities can be moved by that -- those who more than any of us would have cause to question God or be angry at God for all of the challenges they must daily face -- can "get" that, what does it say of "our" grasp of the Holy Spirit when it's us who groan and grumble, not 'them'? What does that say about who or what the true hindrance in worship is? Of who is more worthy to be in the sanctuary and who should rather go sit in a corner of the church so their bad attitude doesn't disturb others? What if our thoughts during worship were heard more loudly than that young man's voice? Sometimes they are... Ouch. That's a hard one. Nice of me to squash my own toes with that one. I know at times I've needed to be in that corner. Times when my attitude was bad. Times when the feelings of my flesh ruined fellowship.
I wonder if we were all in a game of "Church Feud" and one hundred church members were polled, what the top five answers would be to the question of "What did you think about worship at church last Sunday?" I bet the answers would be something like: 1) Music was too loud 2) Music too old- fashioned/too contemporary 3) There were typo's in the on screen lyrics 4) I don't like his/her voice 5) I need to remember to send the Pastor an e-mail of complaint on Monday morning.
There are probably many answers other than the reaction of that young man I heard this Sunday so moved by the Holy Spirit that he sang out at the top of his lungs "I LOVE YOU GOD!"
Do you think it's an ability or disability that he didn't care what anyone around him thought of his actions? How many of us can say we feel so moved by the Holy Spirit that we don't think about what others think if we raised our hands up high and went down to the alter so moved by the words, -- not the song, the music, or who was singing, -- but the words. What the words say to us about who the Holy Spirit is to us and how we want to respond to that, but don't.
Who among us would dare to shout out at the end of a song, "I LOVE YOU GOD!"
What do you think would happen if each and every one of us in the church shouted, "I LOVE YOU GOD!" Why, that could lessen the importance of what kind of music is playing, or not playing. That could lessen the importance of petty disagreements. Hurt feelings. Misunderstandings. Imperfectness. It would make it not matter that our church isn't the biggest or prettiest or most perfectly run, -- because it has something much more worthy and kingdom centered than that... People who love God loudly. People who love God louder than mumblings, rumors, and gossip.
Allow me to talk at you for a moment...and by you I mean me too. Those who are most distracting to the Holy Spirit and who hinder authentic worship, are not those who have a disability and who sing too loud and too off key...
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
I am sure many of us are moved during worship service in our own silent way. I know I am moved even though I spare others from my singing. But I do allow the potential thoughts of others to hinder me when I feel especially moved and want to raise my arms, but don't for fear of what others might think. I want to shout out, "I LOVE YOU GOD!" but don't because that would be seen as weird.
That's what baffles me so much about society's view of the importance of those who have disabilities. Even to some extent, the church's view, in my own personal experience through parent networking and some churches I have contacted who simply don't feel 'called' to serve the disability community. As the Miranda Lambert song says, "It takes all kinds of kinds." And the kind of kind that young man is, is one of the most purest kinds of kinds. The kind of kind we all long to have as a friend. The kind of kind who will never betray you. Lie to you. Shame you. Make fun of you. The kind of kind who makes me a better me, you a better you, the church a better church, the community a better community, and the world a better place.
The kind of kind who can truly teach about what kind of kind Jesus is.
The message after the worship service was about "What makes a church authentic is the fullness of the Holy Spirit." I wonder if anyone else in the church today realized that the very group of people who are the most authentic and full of the Holy Spirit --- are the ones many think only of as a distraction kind of kind.
Yet they are the most blameless kind of kind within a church body.
We so desire to see the Holy Spirit at work in our church. We so desire to know Him, sense Him, serve Him, be revived by Him. We should take note of that young man and how he did all that simply by not being burdened by any other thought but Him.
Oh if in all our abilities, we could learn that type of surrender.
Today in the church I was in, I not only saw the Holy Spirit at work, I heard the Holy Spirit at work---
From who the world deems the least kind of kinds....
I will never cease to be amazed by that.
