I was going to continue my "Journey through the Bible" readings --- that "The Bible in 90 Days" program I began two years ago... I'm on Day 71.
But I got distracted.
With the new movie out "War Room" and a need to revitalize my own personal prayer focus - I thought instead I would get out all my prayer devotionals and each day read that days prayer focus. Stacked them on my desk front and center with a vow to each morning before FB, go through the stack of that day's reading.
I began today.
And out of the stack of five books, two of today's readings were about failure.
Totally applicable today.
My son was to return to school today after 36 days home due to a broken clavicle from yet another seizure.
He couldn't.
Another seizure.
All those plans made today where I could totally enjoy freedom from my caregiving captivity - failed.
It seems of late with all the seizure setbacks - my prayers have been a failure too. I don't know how one can pray wrong unless you just don't pray, but obviously I feel that I am praying wrong. Not long enough, hard enough, often enough, sincere enough, etc.
I think satan likes it when I think that. Which is why I guess God nudged me to read today's readings, today.
One quote in one book's reading for today was:
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
That goes along with my motto NDCQ - stolen from the Navy SEAL who coined the term. NDCQ is a warrior mentality. An attitude that you can only be beaten in two ways: If you give up, or if you die. NDCQ is Not Dead Can't Quit. I embrace that motto so deeply because it doesn't guarantee you will win every battle. It just encourages you to continue the fight. And in that -- you will never lose. Dream! Dare! Do! NDCQ! Is another way they use that motto. I love it. It encourages me to keep dreaming of a seizure-free life for Brandon. It motivates me to continue to dare to defy defeat. It pushes me to keep doing all I can.
The other book for today's reading was titled, "Returning to your Failure." The opening scripture was from Luke 5:5.
But Simon answered and said to Him, "Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net."
The reading began with, "No one knows how to help you in your times of failure as Jesus does! He will give you victory in the midst of your failure."
Sometimes I feel like Peter in the illustration used. I have prayed so often for wisdom how to control Brandon's seizures, how to figure out what is triggering them so I could address that issue to hopefully heal him. I have cast my prayers over and over into the darkness of night, but time and time again, the net has come back empty. No fish, just more seizures.
I'm not sure I'll ever understand the "why's" in any of that. I suppose though, it's not my job too.
My job is to simply cast that net.
To dream, to dare, to do.
To Never Quit.
To know that whenever I cast my net in obedience to God's word, it will never come back empty of what it is I truly need.
And you know what?
It hasn't.
Ever.
I do need to work on failing better, (and perhaps with a few less curse words). But even more than that, I need to remember what it truly means to win.
NDCQ
