Of Pride, Prejudice, & Prayer

 Day 74

Luke 10-20

God Loves the Outcasts...
Jesus seeks the lost:
Lost sheep
Lost coin
Lost son
Me

I just marvel at that.

Luke 10:2-3
Jesus sends out disciples telling them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.  Go!  I am sending you out like lambs among wolves."

Luke 10:18-20
Of Pride...
"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.  However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."

Luke 10:23
Of Prejudice...
"Blessed are the eyes that see what you see.  For I tell you that many prophets and kings wanted to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."

Luke 10:25
"Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"What is written in the Law?" he replied.
"How do you read it?"
He answered:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself."

We are to be like the Good Samaritan and show mercy.
Love God, Love your Neighbor.

Jesus tell us to:
Luke 10:37
"Go and do likewise."

The "Mary & Martha" of Luke 10:38-42 is the reminder needed to keep focus on what is the focus.  It's not the doing of things, it's the listening to HIM.  

Luke 10:41-42
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed."


Lord - teach us to pray.

Luke 11: 2-4
Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation.

Luke 11: 9-10
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Luke 11:17
Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined and a house divided against itself will fall.

Luke 11:23
He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters.

Luke 11:28
Blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it.

Luke 11:33-36
No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden or under a bowl.  Instead he puts it on its stand so that those who come in may see the light.  Your eye is the lamp of your body.  When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light.  But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness.  See to it then that the light within you is not darkness.  Therefore, if your whole body is full of light and no part of it dark, it will be completely lighted, as when the light of a lamp shines on you."

Luke 12:1
Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.  There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be made known.  What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.  

Luke 12:6
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?  Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:8
I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God.  But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God.  And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.  When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.

Luke 12:14
Watch out!  Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.

We are not to store up things for ourselves, but rather be rich toward God.

Do Not Worry

Luke 12:22
Then Jesus said to his disciples:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens:  They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them.  And how much more valuable you are than birds!  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the lilies grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!  And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.  For the pagan world runs after all such things and your Father knows that you need them.  But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.  

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.  Sell your possessions and give to the poor.  Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.  For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.

We are to be ready -- 

Luke 12:40
You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

Luke 12: 48
From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Luke 13:5
But unless you repent, you too will all perish.

Faith like a Mustard Seed

Luke 13:18
Then Jesus asked, "What is the kingdom of God like?  What shall I compare it to?  It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden.  It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches."

Again he asked, "What shall I compare the kingdom of God to?  It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough."

The Narrow door of Luke 13:27 is that there will be a time of reckoning.
God asks us to walk through that door of salvation while it is still open.  Many will, many will not.  Those who merely said they knew of God - the door will be closed because they did not give their lives to God.  He will say, "I don't know you or where you come from.  Away from me, all you evildoers!"

Luke 13:30
Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last.

Luke 14:11
For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

True words to live by!
Luke 14:12
When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends your brothers or relatives or your rich neighbors;  if you do they may invite you back and so you will be repaid.  But when you give a banquet invite the poor, the crippled the lame the blind and you will be blessed.  Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.

This is why I give out homeless bags! 

All who have given to me to help Brandon that I could not repay -- Lord I thank you for them, and I pray the HOPEISM that they are eternally blessed in your kingdom!

The Cost of Being a Disciple
Luke 14:26
If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother his wife and children his brothers and sisters --- yes, even his own life --- he cannot be my disciple.  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

Warrior moms certainly know that cost.........

Luke 14:33
....in the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:34
Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness how can it be made salty again?  

Luke 15:4
Lost Sheep
Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them.  Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?  And when he finds it he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.  Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'  I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Luke 15:8
Lost Coin
Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one.  Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it?  And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.'  In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.
 
Luke 15:11-31
Lost Son
There was a man who had tow sons.  The younger one said to his father, 'Father give me my share of the estate.  So he divided his property between them.  Not long after that the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.  After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.  So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent hi to his fields to feed pigs.  He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.  When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare and here I am starving to death!  I will set out and go back to my father and say to him:  Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.'  So he got up and went to his father.  But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.  The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'  But the father said to his servants, 'Quick!  Bing the best robe and put it on him.  Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it.  Let's have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again;  he was lost and is found.'  So they began to celebrate.  Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing.  So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on.  'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'  The older brother became angry and refused to go in.  So his father went out and pleaded with him.  But he answered his father, 'Look!  All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders.  Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.  But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'  'My son, the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.  But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'


Luke 16:10-13
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.  So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealthy, who will trust you with true riches?  And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?  No servant can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and Money.

Luke 16:14
What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight.

Luke 17
Things that cause people to sin are bund to come, but woe to that person through whom they come.  It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.  So watch yourselves.  If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.  If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him.  

Luke 17:6
If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.  

Rise!  Your faith has made you well!

The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation because the kingdom of God is within you.

Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.

Luke 18:6
Listen to what the unjust judge says.  And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?  Will he keep putting them off?  I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.

Luke 18:14
For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

Luke 18:16
But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

Luke 18:18-29
Honor the commandments.............
You still lack one thing.  Sell everything you have and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow me.......
How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!  Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.  
What is impossible with men is possible with God.  I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life.

THE - Great Physician

 Day 73

Luke 1-10

Jesus, - Savior.
A book written by a physician --- about THE Great Physician -- Jesus!

God is loving, caring judge who rewards the persistent prayers of his people.

Forgiveness for those who have a heart of true repentance, but not to the proud and self-righteous.

I can kind-of relate to Zechariah being silenced because he didn't believe.

Luke 1:19
"I am Gabriel.  I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news.  And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time."

He was silenced because he didn't believe, Mary was blessed because she did.

Why is my son silent?

He did nothing.

Is it because I don't believe enough?

That eternal wrestling match.......

Luke 1:38
"May it be to me as you have said."

I don't know if I could have been a Mary.   If I could even today.   If I knew my son would be silenced, maimed for life as he is, would I have said that?  "May it be to me as you have said?"   In retrospect of knowing what would be with Brandon, certainly not.  But that's what faith is though, isn't it?  The not knowing, and trusting anyway.  Believing.

The words of Mary's song a reminder of who God is and how we are to live --
My soul glorifies the Lord - 
...and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
The Mighty One has done great things for me ---
His mercy extends to those who fear him -
He has performed mighty deeds - 
(He has scattered the proud and the rulers from their thrones) - 
He lifts up the humble - 
He fills the hungry with good things - 
(He sends the rich away hungry)
He helps his servants - 
He is merciful - 

Zechariah's song - 
Praise be to the Lord
He has come and has redeemed his people - 
He has raised up a horn of salvation - 
Salvation from our enemies and those who hate us - 
To rescue us from the hand of our enemies so we may serve Him without fear - 

John the Baptist born to --
Be a prophet of the Most High - 
To go before the Lord to prepare a way - 
To give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins - 
To Shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death - 
To guide our feet into the path of peace.....

My how I can relate so much of these things to Brandon - and by no stretch of any imagination am I literally comparing aspects of my son to his.

But my son has prepared a way for so many to know the truth of what happened to him with vaccine injury.  His life has been a light of truth in the darkness of lies.

His life has been a guide for others of what can happen -- and while I'm not saying I'm thankful for that, I'm truly not.  I wish it never happened to Brandon.  

But it was so.

I was silenced in the matter.

But Brandon --- he has been one of many who have indeed prepared the way for truth.

And for that --- I am thankful.

Luke 2 brings the Birth of Jesus....

Luke 2:14
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.

Luke 3 is John the Baptist preparing the way for Jesus --- who at 12 began his ministry in the Temple.

Luke 2:49
"Why were you searching for me?"  Jesus asked.  "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?"

I just love that.   

Oh how we all should long to be in our Father's house --- in the House of the Lord.  Listening to his words, learning how to live as Christ, above all -  leading others to him!

Luke 3:3
The word of God came to John son of Zechariah in the desert.  He went into all the country around the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.  As is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet:

'"A voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.  Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low.  The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.  And all mankind will see God's salvation.'"

All of John's efforts landed him in prison.

As many of us truth-tells in the vaccine-injury world can relate.........

It is then shared that while at 12 Jesus was in the temple -- but at 30 he began his ministry.

Luke 4 is the temptation of Jesus --- where for 40 days he was in the desert where he was tempted by the devil...

I love his rebukes to each of the satan's snares:

If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.
"It is written:  'Man does not live on bread alone.'"

If you worship me, all the kingdoms of the world will be yours.
"It is written:  'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'"

If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from the highest point of the temple.  For it is written:  "He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"
Jesus answered, "It says: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

Luke 4:18
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

The Twelve Apostles:
Simon (who he named Peter)
Andrew
James
John
Phillip
Bartholomew
Matthew
Thomas
James
Simon (who was called the Zealot)
Judas
Judas Iscariot (who became a traitor)


Jesus' words of wisdom:
Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the Kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
Great is your reward in heaven

Love your enemies.
Do good to those who hate you.
Bless those who curse you.
Pray for those who mistreat you.
If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.  Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  Give, and it will be given to you.

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?  I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice.  He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock.  When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.  But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation.  The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

The Parable of the Sower:
The seed is the word of God.  Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.  Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root.  They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.  The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.  But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

A Lamp on a Stand:
No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed.  Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.  For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.  

Jesus said to the Disciples:
If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for me will save it.  What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?  If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.  

Luke 8:22
Jesus Calms the Storm
"Where is your faith?"
In fear and amazement the disciples asked one another, "Who is this?  He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

How weary Jesus must be with me when over and over in a panic I run to him afraid of the storm raging.  Whether life itself, or Brandon's PANDAS raging storms in the day, night, and whenever in between - when that squall line comes, I panic.   Yes, we are to run to Jesus --- in prayer, not in panic.   Like the Genie lamp on my desk -- that reminder to be calmed in the storm and not run to furiously rub the lamp for the Genie to pop out and grant my wish.    It's a prayer to God, not a panic to beg to be gone.

When the sun is shining, do I rush to Jesus and wake him to thank him?  Or is my Faith only in the Genie-moments as I call him in panic?

Lord help me in that --- truly knowing He is LORD.  

Luke 8:39
"Return home and tell how much God has done for you."

Over and over I see how God truly is "THE - Great Physician."   Healing, helping, giving HOPEISM!

This simple line reminds me why I count "One Thousand Gifts".   His "return home and tell how much God has done for you" is our witness.  Our testimony.  The seed we plant in others.  Until the day I die I will continue to count gifts of gratitude for the legion of demons HE alone has rescued me from!  The demons of doubt, discouragement, disappointment.  The demons of illness.  The demons of pride, ego.  The demons of selfishness --- thank you Lord for Brandon who has taught me that through you!

Luke 8:45
"Who touched me?" Jesus asked.  "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."

Luke 8:48
"Daughter, your faith has healed you.  Go in peace."

Luke 8:50
"Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed."

Luke 8:52
"Stop wailing," Jesus said.  "She is not dead but asleep."

Luke 8:54
"My child, get up!"

Over and over, the great physician.  

Oh, if daily I would be that woman who had faith enough to merely touch his robe with such faith, such HOPEISM, that Jesus "feels" that power leaving him and entering me!

To just sit here and ponder that.  

Be amazed at that.

Marvel at that.

Linger in that every moment of every day!

To be those disciples Jesus sent out to share the gospel, the message!

Luke 9:3
he told them:  "Take nothing for the journey - so staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic.  Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town.  If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them."

It really is that simple.

Being a disciple of Christ.  So often over the last year in church, it was a plan, plan, plan for discipleship.  Dissecting it down to the last dot.  Making it a complicated complexity one had to study for, pack for, follow an agenda of.   When in reality, it is Jesus' words of simply "Go!"   Take nothing, do nothing in preparation, just go and speak my words, do my work.  If you are welcome, stay and teach.  If you are rejected, move on to the next town!

Luke 9:13 stands out to me in the stark simplicity of how we are to see each day, each opportunity.

Luke 9:13
"You give them something to eat."

Oh how we always look around for someone else to do something.   Calls calls.  You.  Me.  Us.   Not they, them, someone else.

YOU help where you can, do what you can, give what you can in feeding the multitude around us.  In sharing the gospel.  In encouraging.  Inspiring.  Helping.

Luke 9:20-23
"Who do you say I am?"  

"The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life."

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.  What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?  If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.  I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

As in the verses above --- God calls YOU, the me of the person reading His Words.

And we know that when we are obedient, when we obey in that, there is always a cost.  A cross to bear. A loss to something --- most often, self.

But as Jesus says, those who lose their life for HIM will save it.

And I just marvel at the HOPEISM in that. 

Luke 9:41
"O unbelieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied.  "how long shall I stay with you and put up with you?  Bring your son here."  

One of the many questions I have for God when I meet him one day in heaven (the day after Brandon goes to heaven, please, Lord, please) is how many times has he said that to me?

How many times have I frustrated God with my actions or prayers of unbelief?

My doubts?

My worries?

Luke 9:48
"Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me.  For he who is least among you all -- he is the greatest."

In the remainder of Luke 9, Jesus uses parables or whatever the term - to show the cost of following Jesus.

We cannot meet Jesus and say we will follow him, but only after.  There is no other priority, task, excuse.   We meet Jesus, and we turn and follow.  He takes care of the rest.

Luke 9:62
"No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

And with that............

Believe it even if you can't see it...

 Day 72

Part III

Mark 10-16

Believe it, even if you can't see it --- as Jesus predicts his death and resurrection - as he tells us to believe that even from the bottom of the deepest, darkest pits, we will be first.   If we put HIM first in all we do, pursue HIM above all.   Serve in HIS name always.

Mark 10:14
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

This verse is so profound -- how often do we big, smart adults think we have it all together?   We grow up and lose our innocence, our inquisitive nature, our ability to imagine.... Where as a child we believed in what we couldn't see -- as an adult, if we cannot see it we do not believe it.

Mark 10:21

Jesus looked at him and loved him.  "One thing you lack," he said.  "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow me."

How often those very words trip us up!   One of the many things in this life I am so thankful for, is that I've seen what that love of money does to one's thinking, how they live.   I know so many whose only focus is how to get more while doing less.   Trading things for relationships.   Time to earn more, but no time to be more.  Investing in portfolio's, not people.   Oh how time and time again I have longed for a relationship with relatives only to be told how busy they are.   I guess that has shaped my views in trying to always be conscious of putting people I love before profits.   I can see both sides of that coin, because of that I simply know which side of that coin I want to be on.

And it's a blessing and curse.   Being Brandon's primary caregiver doesn't allow me much time to truly invest in others I long to have that relationship with.  My "other" son -- I weep over all that I've missed.  And now I have not one, but two Grandfishies whom I hardly get to see because of all that I must invest in simply caring for Brandon.    I guess that's why this verse stands out to me, I do get angry at those who squander time they could be investing in others they love, or merely like!   What I would give for those opportunities others have!

Mark 10:22
At this the man's face fell.  He went away sad, because he had great wealth.  Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"

How truly hard it is for those focused on money and things to see the world as we have had to see it because of our life with Brandon.  It is not things, it is not money.   It is service, helping, being there for others more than working for self.

Mark 10:27
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."

Oh how I wrestle with that one.   Knowing "all things are possible" with God is not the same as all things being possible.   That's where my faith lies in that space between the sacred and mundane of believing.  Why don't you make treatment possible for Brandon?  Affordable?  Why can't you allow Brandon to sleep through the night?  Why can't you stop Brandon's humming, growling, raging?  Ugh, to have that insight.

Until then I simply cling to the HOPEISM that all things are possible.  And the prayer that HE makes them possible for Brandon in this life.

I have to chuckle when I read Mark 10:29 where Peter says to Jesus, "We have left everything to follow you!"  

Have you?  Have you sacrificed everything, left behind every milestone and dream and opportunity?  I get so bewildered by how anyone outside our brand of suffering in "Life with Autism, Seizures, & a side of PANDAS" can even say that.    Brandon's life is a thread woven in every aspect of our life, pulling tighter and tighter with every passing year.  With every missed milestone of his, of ours.

I get so sad at that.  The strongest Christians among us are those who can be like Paul in prison, literal or figurative, and still cling to HOPEISM.

That HOPEISM found in Mark 10:29 where Jesus replies, "I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age and in the age to come, eternal life.  But many who are first will be last, and the last, first."

I pray that for Brandon, Lord.

He has left behind his entire life because of vaccines.  

I pray that for him in this life, in this life to have peace, healing of what hurts and causes such outbursts and lack of sleep.  Healing to let him be who you meant for him to be before he was injured.

Mark 10:43 - 45
Jesus speaking:  "Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Mark 11:17
Is it not written:  "My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations."

Mark 11:22-25
Jesus answered, "Have faith in God, I tell you the truth if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.  And when you stand praying if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Mark 12:28-30
Which is the most important commandment?
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this:  'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'  The second is this:  'Love your neighbor as yourself,'  There is no commandment greater than these."

I love the lesson in the poor widow of Mark 12:42-43.   It's such a profound reminder of how we are to BELIEVE that if we give HIM our all, HE will give us HIS ALL.   It's easy to give much when you have much -- but oh -- I want the faith of that widow who gave much when she had LITTLE!

"But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny.  Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others.  They all gave out of their wealth;  but she, out of her poverty, put in everything -- all she had to live on."  

Mark 13:13
"....but he who stands firm to the end will be saved."

I think that's my HOPEISM motto.   To simply at the last breath of my life, to be able to say I stood firm in faith and held fast to my HOPEISM.  Have I stumbled in that?  Yes.  Have I fallen?  Yes.  But I've always found my footing.  I've always stood back up.  Each time satan knocked me down, God helped me back up.

Mark 13 is full of such HOPEISM:

Stand firm
He who does will be saved
Do not be alarmed
Do not worry about what to say
My words will never pass away
Be on guard
Be alert
Keep watch

Yet as we find in Mark 14, sadly, we don't do those things to keep our HOPEISM.  We fall short.  We drop our shield.  We slumber.

I often cringe as so very often before I've been with Brandon five minutes in the morning, I am cursing God for allowing such hardship!

Mark 14:30
"I tell you the truth,"  Jesus answered "today --- yes, tonight --- before the rooster crows twice you yourself will disown me three times."


I feel a bit redeemed when I think that Jesus gets my doubts.  

Mark 

That he too wished this cup of suffering could be taken from him as I long for mine to be taken from me!

Mark 14 continues with Jesus himself lamenting:

My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow
Take this cup from me

But he ends with what I desire to truly feel in my soul --

"Yet not what I will, but what you will."

And so it was. 

The rest of Mark the conviction, crucifixion, the cross.

It's about Jesus.

But it's Brandon.   It's what I pray so hard for one day for Brandon.  For the industry that harmed his health to be that criminal.   Accused.  Tried.  Convicted.  Crucified.  For all those who lied, harmed, mandated.  For all who caused such tragedy that has befallen an entire generation to be found guilty!

We are one step closer with RFK, Jr being confirmed as HHS Secretary.

May the Odds be Ever in His Favor.

As they were in HIS.

May the truth rise.

As Jesus rose.

Mark 15:33
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

I pray no other Brandon is ever forsaken again by vaccine injury............................

The Warrior at the Well...

 

It's been a while since I've dusted off the keyboard of my Blog...

It's been a season.....for sure.

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, not just for my past mistakes, but for the misrepresentation of them to others.  The misinterpretation of them by others.  The constant reminder of them in old stones thrown in current conversations.

I needed to see God.

His Mercy.
His Grace.
His Kindness.
His Forgiveness.
His Love.

I needed to see Him.

Have you ever felt that even though you know God, perhaps feel His presence, you simply need a moment where he comes before you and shows Himself where you can just about reach out and touch him?

I felt like that this morning.

Me, the woman at the well.  How many times have I committed the same sins as she?  Over and over it seems.  No, not those  sins, but poor choices no less.   Oh, perhaps like her, I had my reasons, valid ones.  Just as I'm sure she had her reasons too.  And like her, she wasn't the only one who sinned.  In arguments, in conflict, in.........indiscretions......... there are two people.   Yet I have always felt, have always been told, it is just me.   Perhaps it is.  Those who care deeply, try deeply.  Perhaps not in a perfect way, but in a way that pursues.  Runs toward.  Never away.

I've felt her shame often in this season.

How do you feel worthy again when punished repeatedly?

I found the answer this morning.

It was in an image before the images I share here.

It was that line in the sand.

There I am on one side.

The sinner.

Ashamed.  Humiliated.  Remorseful.  Raw.  Real.  

There they are on the other side.

The righteous.  They who apparently have never sinned.  Or who deemed their sins less a sin than mine.

And then there was Jesus.

And a stone.

And as I stand there very much aware of my own shortcomings, my own mistakes, my own bad choices, my own nakedness, -- I wait.  I brace myself.  I know I deserve some of what's coming.  Not all.  Not totally.  Perhaps a stone, yes.  Maybe a few of them.  But a boulder thrown, an avalanche, - no.

I know I've been wrong, confessed I was wrong, apologized for my wrong - yet each time I'm reminded of those past wrongs, I feel myself bracing for the stones thrown.  Each thing I've done in the past written on one and thrown.  As if the first one didn't make its mark, and still sting. 

I mean, honestly, the hardest stones thrown at me, are the ones I throw at myself.

But Jesus doesn't do that, does he?

He throws no stones.  

He sees me, the good, the bad, and at times, the ugly.

Today I needed to see myself as Jesus sees me.  

I needed to see Him.

And so with a "to do" list as long as my past mistakes and poor choices in the heat of the moment -- I went out to find Him.

As God always does, He delivers above and beyond.

On the way home from dropping off Brandon, I stopped at the store and got what I needed for my "Mission:  Seeing God".

A bag symbolizing God's love.  A drink and breakfast bars.

And after a few U-Turns on the freeway, I found myself.  

Sitting under the overpass.  Worn out, outcast, the product of my bad choices or unfortunate circumstances.  Dirty from past mistakes.  Hungry for redemption, forgiveness.  Thirsty for a new beginning.  The weight of the world seen on my face.  

I pulled over with my bag of redemption.  My bag of the Kindness that Jesus gave that woman at the well.  Food to fill an emptiness.  Drink to quench the thirst for Forgiveness He gave as he drew that line in the sand to make the spotless drop their stones.

I said simply, "This gift is for you --- you are loved."

And a worn face became a smiling face with a simple, "Thank You."

Almost home, I saw myself again.

Standing at the corner, dirty, no shoes.

Reminding me how often I fail........and am me.

Clearly a slow learner in repeating the same mistakes, good intentions gone bad.

I told God to keep him there at the corner.  

I needed to get another bag of forgiveness.  

And I laugh at wondering how many bags Jesus has had to go get for me over the years?

With Kolaches and Orange Juice in my bag from the Donut Shop down the street, I circled back to where indeed, Jesus kept him waiting for me.

And I gave him what I have been craving.

No, not the food.

Not the drink.

The Jesus.

I needed to see Jesus today.

And sometimes, to see him most clearly, you must become Him.

No, I'm not God.

Not pretending to be.  

All those stones thrown at me over the years make that quite apparent.

I simply needed to see His face in Love, Kindness, Forgiveness, Grace, Mercy.  

No stones.

Just His Redeeming Love.

And I saw Him.  

I was the beggar under the overpass.  And he came, he spoke to me in kindness, and in my mistakes, my bad choices, and whatever else it was that led me to sitting under that overpass, --he showed me love, not punishment.

He showed me that I am more than the sum of my mistakes.

And because God is God and loves to make sure you understand --  I was able to see Him twice.

There I stood at the corner.  

Dirty, Barefoot, looking defeated by circumstances, choices, mistakes.

And there He came bearing a hot meal and a cold drink.

Not condemnation.

Not in the list of all the wrongs I've ever done.

Not berating me for my mistakes, not reminding me how many times I've made them.  

Simply smiling at me as His Beloved.

He came for me...

Dirty, filthy, worthless, - a failure by the world's standards.

Of all the spotless people, he sought me out.

Me, ---messy, messy, messy, - mistake-filled me!

He came to me and extended a gift of kindness, love, compassion, -- forgiveness.

And I just marvel at that.

~ ~ ~ 

Sometimes when you see Jesus most ---

You need to go out and be His hands and feet.

Thank you Lord, for what you have shown me today.

Thank you for forgiving me, every day.

Lent: A Season of Prayer: Day 4

I have been going through the book, "A Treasury of Prayer" the best of E.M. Bounds -- as our class is taking an in depth look at prayer....

For these 40 days of Lent I will be focusing on one of the definitions of prayer, from his book, and others we are studying as part of our class.

I really love this one - as it relates to my Catholic, of sorts, background.... 
"Prayer is not a mere habit, riveted by custom and memory, something which must be gone through with its value depending upon the decency and perfection of the performance."

Again, I share here my views in sincerity -- but the times I can remember being in a Catholic church or even Sunday School --- I never once remembered "praying" or even "prayer".  

The rote repetition and the symbolism and the kneeling, standing, reciting, and even perhaps if some of that was considered praying -- was not for me.   My personality is more river rapids, that style of religion, of prayer, more of a dam.   And I suppose why I never really had much of a "Prayer-life" or "Christianity" that I remember until well in adulthood.  

If that's how it had to be done.

I know some in my family "Prayed the Rosary" - but that was a private thing -- I don't ever remember a group prayer, family prayer, anyone asking me to pray for them or how they could pray for me.

Not that they perhaps never did -- but as far back as I can remember, I do not honestly recall anything about prayer-life.  

Once I attended a church in adulthood - that's when I began to learn about prayer.  Praying in groups, praying during offering, the value of time spent with God, in prayer.

Once I had my son, Brandon, I truly understood prayer, that communion, that talking with God.

I was free to be the river rapids that I am -- God simply the banks to my river - trying hard to 'keep her contained when she flooded!'   

And oh how I have flooded over the years!  Which makes me all the more in love with God for how HE is there to hold me back.  Not scold me for overflowing, not saying I'm too fast, too slow, not clear enough, too murky.  No, God simply has shown me how HE is the banks to my river -- holding me tight and letting me be me.

My prayers have been written, shouted, screamed, cried, sobbed, and silent.

My prayers have thanked God, loved God, hated God, cursed God.

I've come to God as a Princess, a pagan, a peasant.

My prayer performance most often merely worthy of a participation medal than an Oscar.

And that's ok.

It's the doing that counts.

The honesty, openness, transparency, rawness.

Perhaps the best prayers I've ever prayed are the ones I never prayed, but that others have on my behalf simply because I was too broken to pray.

Which is why it is so important to allow others to pray for you, with you.

As I wish to do for this Lent...

This Season of Prayer.

Lent: A Season of Prayer: Day 3

 Lent:  A Season of Prayer:  Day 3

I think one of the most life-changing views of prayer for me came from Ann Voskamp.   Her book One Thousand Gifts has been a big inspiration -- HUGE.

Prayer is all around us in the thanking God for the ordinary, the mundane, the extraordinary.

The practice of counting it all as joy has been a challenge of hers that I have accepted.

As I type this, I'm on #923 gifts of eucharisteo - of thanksgiving, grace, mercy, joy.

That is 923 prayers of seeing God at work all around me, and in seeking his purpose in the things I would not necessarily count as joy.........

From her book:

Prayer, to be prayer, to have any power to change anything, must first speak thanks.  In every situation, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life of continual thanks.

Daniel 6:10
Daniel prayed three times a day giving thanks to his God...

Daniel was only a man of prayer because he was a man of thanks, and the only way to become a woman of prayer is to be a woman of thanks....

Counting those gifts daily - that momentary time to stop and reflect in prayer for the good all around me despite the not-so-good of circumstances I must live with -- has given me a freedom I have not felt in ages.

It has given me a HOPEISM that heals.......perhaps not my son...........yet.......

But me.

Lent: A Season of Prayer: Day 1

 On this 1st day of Lent Prayer -- I want to begin with what I knew prayer wasn't.  

I admit, I haven't really thought much about the definitions of prayer --- what it means at its core.  

But I feel I had a sense of what it wasn't.

To me, that was a genie lamp.  Where you go to where it sits on the shelf and rub it furiously and ask the genie, God, to grant your wish.  And that being the only time you go to the lamp.  In an emergency. When you think of it.  When you need something.

God does answer our "emergency" prayers in desperation.  He hears them.  That is true.  And if it is His will, in His time, that prayer will be answered in some way.  He will either move that mountain, or move you.

But it's the relationship he wants.  He desires.  That coming to Him daily.  Moment by moment.  He doesn't want to be put on a shelf and dusted occasionally, rubbed furiously when needed. 

He wants that daily cultivation.  

The moment by moment pursuit.

He wants center stage of your heart, soul, mind.

I bought a genie lamp to set on my desk for that reminder.

That prayer is a day by day, hour by hour, step by step, moment by moment drawing near to him in the good, the bad, the ugly.

The crazy, the mad, the wonderful.