Day 70
Matthew 18 - 28
Matthew 21:13 "It is written," he said to them, "My house will be called a house of prayer,' but you are making it a 'den of robbers.'"
Matthew 25:35-40 "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Matthew 26:14 Then one of the Twelve --- the one called Judas Iscariot --- went to the chief priests and asked, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty silver coins.
Matthew 26:24 But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.Matthew 26:39 "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Matthew 26:42 "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
Matthew 27:46 "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"__________
The above passages are titled "The betrayal" in my Bible.
We can all apply the title of those passages to our lives in some way....
The betrayal...
Of a spouse, a friend, a coworker, an industry.
For me, Pharma is that industry. The corporate greed of the vaccine industry has been my Judas Iscariot. The Pharmaceutical industry was supposed to be someone I trusted -- yet their vaccines betrayed my son for thirty silver coins. Or whatever their current annual profit off vaccines is.
It is so hard to fathom that type of blatant betrayal. I sit here and think about how Jesus sat and broke bread with the very man who would betray him, lead him to his death. How so many of us at one time or another have been betrayed by someone close to us. How Pharma, the government, the media -- look us in the eye and say without flinching, "vaccines are safe" and "vaccines save lives" -- knowing full well both have been proven false time and time again.
How do people do that? Is what they would gain so much more appealing than what they will lose in the process?
Sadly, as Judas found out....... no.
If not for having been betrayed myself in the harm done to my son, I could never even relate to such betrayal. But sadly, I can. Jesus was betrayed for thirty silver coins. My son's health was betrayed for the price of each vaccine. Truly, "woe to that vaccine industry who betrayed an innocent generation of children!"
There have been countless times in the years since living with our betrayal, where watching my son suffer on his cross I have looked to the heavens and and begged God to take that cup of autism from him! My situation so very different from Jesus' as he was nailed to the cross - yet still in our way, the pain so profound. I can so relate to that plea from son to Father, as this mother has pleaded with God so very often to take that cup of suffering away! And I struggle with the "God's will" part of what Jesus says..... With all that is in me, I do not believe vaccine injury was God's will - because now that I know the truth, I don't think vaccination ever had any part in HIS plan for our bodies. But I do believe in a Sovereign God who knows all things. He knows what happened, and I think the plan in all of this is that the truth be exposed. No more damage done. God can, but I feel it is up to us, to do. We did this, not God. We must fix it. We must go back to trusting in God's perfect design. In God's healing. To live the faith in God that we so often preach but do not practice.
I don't think God has forsaken us, we have forsaken the truth. And woe to those who have told such lies. I pray that I live to see the day of Congressional Hearings where their fraud is exposed and they wish not one of their vaccines had been created! Let alone proclaimed as safe, or life-saving.
And much how this day's reading ends, I think our great commission as warriors in this great vaccine debate is to be disciples of truth. All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to us as mothers, as parents of the children we gave birth to, love, - to do what we know is best for them. Not what Pharma wants us to believe or some politician wants to mandate for us - for thirty silver coins of profit, or thirty silver coins in a campaign contribution.
__________________
The Great Commission
Matthew 28:18 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Friday, August 28, 2015
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
The City on the Hill
Day 69
Matthew 1 - 18
Matthew 1:23
The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel --- which means , "God with us."
I guess I should title this "Thoughts & Truths" --- as this days readings could be split up in many parts. Some simply favorite scriptures to hide in your heart, other verses leading to thoughts of personal application. Not really one story from this reading, but many.
In Matthew 4:1, one such story in temptation. "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil." I can so relate to that as it seems I'm tempted quite often, and even more often feel I'm left in the desert! I guess that's where the next part of that verse comes in, with Matthew 4:4 saying, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" It is those times of temptation, or feeling lost and abandoned in the desert - that I must thirst most for God. Be fed by His Word. Every word of temptation or defeat, followed by a word of truth and victory. We may not be able to totally stop those temptations or defeats, but we can better react to them with knowing and speaking God's truths, of which there are so many good ones in this reading.
Matthew 4:19 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."
The Beatitudes....
Matthew 5:3-12
Matthew 1 - 18
Matthew 1:23
The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel --- which means , "God with us."
I guess I should title this "Thoughts & Truths" --- as this days readings could be split up in many parts. Some simply favorite scriptures to hide in your heart, other verses leading to thoughts of personal application. Not really one story from this reading, but many.
In Matthew 4:1, one such story in temptation. "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil." I can so relate to that as it seems I'm tempted quite often, and even more often feel I'm left in the desert! I guess that's where the next part of that verse comes in, with Matthew 4:4 saying, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" It is those times of temptation, or feeling lost and abandoned in the desert - that I must thirst most for God. Be fed by His Word. Every word of temptation or defeat, followed by a word of truth and victory. We may not be able to totally stop those temptations or defeats, but we can better react to them with knowing and speaking God's truths, of which there are so many good ones in this reading.
Matthew 4:19 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."
The Beatitudes....
Matthew 5:3-12
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Matthew 6:9
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
Matthew 6:19
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 7:7
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:25
The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.
Matthew 8:23
Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going t drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"
Matthew 10:39
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 12:36
But I tell you that man will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by you words you will be condemned.
Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
Matthew 17:20
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I'll focus on a few scriptures that really touched me in this days journey with regard to my "Life with Autism" ---
We are that city on the hill of vaccine corruption.
We will shine the light of truth.
We will not be hidden.
Oh how that gives me such great HOPEISM in the face of such great persecution!
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
Matthew 6:19
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 7:7
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:25
The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.
Matthew 8:23
Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going t drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"
Matthew 10:39
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 12:36
But I tell you that man will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by you words you will be condemned.
Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
Matthew 17:20
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I'll focus on a few scriptures that really touched me in this days journey with regard to my "Life with Autism" ---
I love Matthew 4:16 which says, "....the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Sometimes in my "Life with Autism" I do feel like we are living in the land of the shadow of death. In the typical life that vaccine injury has stolen, in the health seizures have eroded... Some cycles of seizures leave Brandon looking like he'll have permanent residence in that land. A time or two with seizures where he stopped breathing completely, our son was briefly in that shadow. Other times he should have been, but by the Grace of God was spared. But then light. It always dawns. Always. The darkness of the lies the vaccine industry has spoken and that our government has allowed to prevail can never be totally or permanently hidden from the light of truth. Matthew 5:14 says, "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." Our truth is that light. Our "city" of vaccine injury to an entire generation of children will no longer be hidden. To me that verse and the "Blessed are those who are persecuted" both reflect what we are going through now with our parental choice and religious rights being taken away because of the total corruption of the vaccine industry and the absolute ineffectiveness of the CDC in their newfound state of total loss of respect and believability. Our truth in all that is a light in the darkness of corruption. And once again, truth, whether we're talking about God or vaccine corruption -- cannot be hidden.
I have "seen the light" of God's salvation and will never return to believing the lies of satan.
We who have "seen the light" of vaccine truth, will never return to the darkness of believing the lies of Pharma.
I have "seen the light" of God's salvation and will never return to believing the lies of satan.
We who have "seen the light" of vaccine truth, will never return to the darkness of believing the lies of Pharma.
We are that city on the hill of vaccine corruption.
We will shine the light of truth.
We will not be hidden.
Oh how that gives me such great HOPEISM in the face of such great persecution!
Thursday, April 9, 2015
...the HOPEISM of Sunday.
I think if anything describes my journey in "Life with Autism" it's that in a series of unfortunate Friday's, there came the rare, blessed Sunday's.
I have a prayer request, I know, shocking. But before that, I want to share a little something about a message I received yesterday, and one that echoes others I have received -- in someone asking how I get through this. All the years of challenges, obstacles, setbacks. How I cope..... I am a veteran on this journey. One whose child with vaccine injury, er autism, is one of the most severely affected medically. Behaviorally with respect to the fact that he cannot tolerate things being done to him.... Hair cuts, blood draws, ear checks, procedures where he must comply in any form or fashion. Brandon's sensory issues make those things nearly impossible. Some things he has learned to tolerate over time. Hair cuts and blood draws are relatively doable with little blood shed, on our part! But for him to understand to lay down after seizures, to sit still and allow for an x-ray, a scan, dental work, -- nope. Not even all the ABA in the world has helped one inch with those things. Our son is severely affected.
I am so happy for all those whose children have recovered to the point of understanding and even allowing those things. I am Praising God for all the parents who have fully recovered their child. I'm just not one of them. I am one who can simply Praise the God who gets us through. I am one who can say that HOPEISM gets me through all the defeats, all the obstacles. I am not one who can tell you that if you are good, and do good, that good will happen and all will be better for your and your child. I simply don't believe in that. I believe in God's plan, God's purpose. Not that if you do good, you will get good, or that if you are bad, bad will happen. Karma may apply in life, but not in Faith. I've been "good" so to speak, and yet still we have such suffering in our "Life with Autism" and in our son who remains severely affected by autism. I don't know why that is, I don't know that I ever will. But what I do know if that everything works for the Glory of God -- and we have experienced so very many things through these sufferings where we give th Glory in the victories, the endurance, the miracles here and there, -- to God.
One such thing, this is April 2015. Brandon for the past week has consistently weighed 146 pounds. Not since April 3, 2009 has he weighed 145 pounds. That was the highest his weight has been. He was 5'4" and weighed 145. Today, he is 5'9" and weighs 146. The lowest point since 2009 has been 126 pounds. It has taken us 6 years to get his weight back to where it was in 2009. Let alone where it needs to be today, like more around 165. Six years of setbacks. Of one precious pound gained only to have a seizure and loss of three additional pounds to make up. That's how it's been all these years in this seizure-cycle that we haven't been able to break. One precious pound gained, only to have seizures subtract three, four, or five pounds in the recovery process. Spending uncountable amounts of money and time in finding and preparing food that will pack maximum nutrition and calories. On the modified ketogenic diet, the tedium of balancing fats and proteins and carbs. All to have one pound gained then three or more lost with each seizure.
But finally, after six years, we are where we were, plus one.
Six long years to gain back 20 pounds.
It's mind boggling.
And we're still not even where we need to be.
That's another 20 pounds to go.
I've been trying to comprehend that these past few days. When that friend asked me the question, I tried again to think of what I could say in answer to "How do you do this for so long?" "Do we win?" I even went back and read my "Journey through the Bible" blog I write - where I've taken each days reading of the Bible and applied it to our "Life with Autism". I was encouraged by some of those thoughts I had written. The books of the Bible that were so filled with gloom and despair - there was always a scripture of Hope and the promise of Healing. In fact, some of the favorite, most profound scriptures I've clung to, were from the gloomiest, doomiest books of the Bible.
And like I thought then when writing my blogs, I can assuredly say now, "Yes, we do win." What God told them then, still applies now.
Be faithful.
Be obedient.
Cling to HOPEISM.
That isn't a promise that prayers will be answered when and how we pray for, just that they will be answered. Since August of 2010 Brandon's seizures have been relentless. We finally had a 35 day seizure-free streak. Five years of praying for such a break. Since 2009 we've been trying to get Brandon's weight back to where it was. We finally did that. Six years of praying for that. Brandon is 21. We've been living "Life with Autism" since he regressed from vaccine injury at 2 years old. Nineteen years of praying through that. We are far from recovered, but we have had so many reasons to give Glory to God in the endurance. In how he has sustained us. Sustained Brandon. And to have witnessed and been a part of such health revolution, such a community of warriors......
That is what sustains me.
What gets me through it.
That is how we win --
By NEVER QUITTING!
We win when we pray without ceasing, we win when we believe in a recovery we may never see in this world, we win when we hope when all hope seems lost, we win when we pursue healing, no matter how small the increments may be, we win when we advocate no matter how strong the opposition or how tired of fighting we are, and we win when we speak truth no matter how much our voice shakes.
We win when we pray without ceasing, we win when we believe in a recovery we may never see in this world, we win when we hope when all hope seems lost, we win when we pursue healing, no matter how small the increments may be, we win when we advocate no matter how strong the opposition or how tired of fighting we are, and we win when we speak truth no matter how much our voice shakes.
NDCQ!
Now for the prayer --
Be careful what you pray for, you may get it....
Team Guppy will undergo yet another challenge. As if the Traumatic Tap Lumbar Puncture from Hell with a Spinal Tap headache from hell wasn't enough; and lest I forget the 2nd degree burns that were very much caused by that..... wasn't enough of a challenge. I still have PTSD from that experience.
A medical professional believes that Brandon would benefit from IVIG. This person has advocated for it for our son - and we finally were approved to try it on our son. Insurance coverage and all.... I have to admit, I was kinda hoping doors would slam shut on that. I know that is horrible to admit, but when you've gone through the unrelenting challenges we have, and for so long, even the best of HOPEISM's aren't enough to make you not grow weary at the thought of enduring yet another challenge.
But we must. God indeed used this person to help bring us to this opportunity, and we must now suck it up and walk through it.
While I may not be convinced of the ability of Brandon to endure it, I am convinced of God's humor in us even thinking he could. This child that we can barely contain to have his ears checked, that we can't contain for dental exams -- is supposed to willingly sit still and allow 3 to 6 needles in his stomach for IgG to be subcutaneously infused over three hours. We feel for him subcutaneously is the best route for him, given that IVIG has a higher rate of adverse reaction. And we know from the lumbar puncture, if there is a chance of a bad reaction, he'll have them all.
We are to do the subQ IgG weekly.
I can't see that happening. I just......can't. I don't want to be a part of making it happen, but I must. We owe it to Brandon to try. For the first time, a nurse will be here to train us and oversee it in case he does have a reaction. After that, we can do this at night when he's sleeping or when he has a seizure and is knocked out.
But for this first one, we must attempt cold-turkey.
And so we will.
Pray for us.
We'll be enduring yet another Friday in "Life with Autism" while trying to cling to the promise of Sunday.
Now for the prayer --
Be careful what you pray for, you may get it....
Team Guppy will undergo yet another challenge. As if the Traumatic Tap Lumbar Puncture from Hell with a Spinal Tap headache from hell wasn't enough; and lest I forget the 2nd degree burns that were very much caused by that..... wasn't enough of a challenge. I still have PTSD from that experience.
A medical professional believes that Brandon would benefit from IVIG. This person has advocated for it for our son - and we finally were approved to try it on our son. Insurance coverage and all.... I have to admit, I was kinda hoping doors would slam shut on that. I know that is horrible to admit, but when you've gone through the unrelenting challenges we have, and for so long, even the best of HOPEISM's aren't enough to make you not grow weary at the thought of enduring yet another challenge.
But we must. God indeed used this person to help bring us to this opportunity, and we must now suck it up and walk through it.
While I may not be convinced of the ability of Brandon to endure it, I am convinced of God's humor in us even thinking he could. This child that we can barely contain to have his ears checked, that we can't contain for dental exams -- is supposed to willingly sit still and allow 3 to 6 needles in his stomach for IgG to be subcutaneously infused over three hours. We feel for him subcutaneously is the best route for him, given that IVIG has a higher rate of adverse reaction. And we know from the lumbar puncture, if there is a chance of a bad reaction, he'll have them all.
We are to do the subQ IgG weekly.
I can't see that happening. I just......can't. I don't want to be a part of making it happen, but I must. We owe it to Brandon to try. For the first time, a nurse will be here to train us and oversee it in case he does have a reaction. After that, we can do this at night when he's sleeping or when he has a seizure and is knocked out.
But for this first one, we must attempt cold-turkey.
And so we will.
Pray for us.
We'll be enduring yet another Friday in "Life with Autism" while trying to cling to the promise of Sunday.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Broken bread and Poured out wine
Tonight has been particularly difficult. Not that in my "Life with Autism" I've had it particularly easy. But it's always hardest right after I thought it was getting better and then abruptly found myself slapped upside the head with disappointment. "Seizures are less frequ......... Well, hold that thought, never mind..." You'd think I would learn to not get my hopes up by now, but thank goodness I'm stubborn. I still get them up. I often crash and burn, but to me that's still better than sitting in the parking lot not moving at all.
After Brandon got settled after a particularly rough seizure, I sat at my desk and reflected on something I had read in a book of quotes by Oswald Chambers. It was about being broken bread and poured out wine. Jesus was that. He was broken bread and poured out wine for us. For me. For my son. He calls us to be that as well - in the hand of God. He allowed himself to be bruised, beaten, and crushed for my sins. That's perhaps the only thing that truly gives me sanity in this Life with Autism and Seizures we must live. That no matter how broken up and poured out I feel, he's been through worse. Who am I then to not allow myself to be so 'stomped on and crushed' so to speak in how He would choose to produce wine through me? Oswald says, "God can never make me wine if I object to the fingers He uses to crush me with." Which for me is that relentless autism, those relentless seizures.
The thing about true faith, true HOPEISM to me, is just that. We don't get to choose the manner in which God will teach us, or who he will use to teach us. Allowing yourself to be broken bread and poured out wine for God is in staying where God put you or enduring for however long you must, whatever situation he has put you in... It means allowing yourself to be used by him through whatever manner he chooses to use you. It means so many things, but most of all it means staying the course and never giving up. I think the most frustrating thing for me is to see those with lesser burdens giving up so quickly. If prayer isn't answered, they give up. If something doesn't go their way, they leave. They want to experience the throne of God without ever having first experienced carrying His cross. To yield to God is to draw ever closer to him as your Shepherd and have faith in Him and in what he will do in your life by being the broken bread and poured out wine he desires to use "to feed His sheep."
It is hard. It is hard to continually have your prayers go unanswered, to continually have to battle day in and day out. To watch not just your life be broken bread and poured out wine -- but your child's life be that in God's hands for a purpose you cannot know or understand in this life.
I'm just so very thankful that what I have learned, is that when I think I can't be broken any more, he gives His mercy. When I feel there's nothing left of me to pour out, he fills me with His grace.
I guess to more fully appreciate or experience the 'muchness' of God that I seek through this journey, I must first fully understand what it is to allow myself to be 'mushed' by God.
And I think that's where we lose folks.
It's too hard to do that.
It takes too long.
So they quit.
It is hard.
But for no matter how long -
I will Never Quit.
After Brandon got settled after a particularly rough seizure, I sat at my desk and reflected on something I had read in a book of quotes by Oswald Chambers. It was about being broken bread and poured out wine. Jesus was that. He was broken bread and poured out wine for us. For me. For my son. He calls us to be that as well - in the hand of God. He allowed himself to be bruised, beaten, and crushed for my sins. That's perhaps the only thing that truly gives me sanity in this Life with Autism and Seizures we must live. That no matter how broken up and poured out I feel, he's been through worse. Who am I then to not allow myself to be so 'stomped on and crushed' so to speak in how He would choose to produce wine through me? Oswald says, "God can never make me wine if I object to the fingers He uses to crush me with." Which for me is that relentless autism, those relentless seizures.
The thing about true faith, true HOPEISM to me, is just that. We don't get to choose the manner in which God will teach us, or who he will use to teach us. Allowing yourself to be broken bread and poured out wine for God is in staying where God put you or enduring for however long you must, whatever situation he has put you in... It means allowing yourself to be used by him through whatever manner he chooses to use you. It means so many things, but most of all it means staying the course and never giving up. I think the most frustrating thing for me is to see those with lesser burdens giving up so quickly. If prayer isn't answered, they give up. If something doesn't go their way, they leave. They want to experience the throne of God without ever having first experienced carrying His cross. To yield to God is to draw ever closer to him as your Shepherd and have faith in Him and in what he will do in your life by being the broken bread and poured out wine he desires to use "to feed His sheep."
It is hard. It is hard to continually have your prayers go unanswered, to continually have to battle day in and day out. To watch not just your life be broken bread and poured out wine -- but your child's life be that in God's hands for a purpose you cannot know or understand in this life.
I'm just so very thankful that what I have learned, is that when I think I can't be broken any more, he gives His mercy. When I feel there's nothing left of me to pour out, he fills me with His grace.
I guess to more fully appreciate or experience the 'muchness' of God that I seek through this journey, I must first fully understand what it is to allow myself to be 'mushed' by God.
And I think that's where we lose folks.
It's too hard to do that.
It takes too long.
So they quit.
It is hard.
But for no matter how long -
I will Never Quit.
Friday, July 18, 2014
From Sin to Salvation
The New Testament
The Coming Messiah -
A New Covenant -
A New Church.
From humanity's fall to its restoration --- the fulfillment of the law of the Old Testament.
Jesus is the Jewish Messiah whose life, death, and resurrection fulfilled the prophesies of the Old Testament. Salvation is for everyone, and it is forever.
The New Testament gives assurance that he will be with us in the middle of challenges or disappointments or failures, and we are to press on and humbly serve God and others, even when it hurts. Especially, when it hurts.
The New Testament is about
Restoration -
Reconciliation -
and a new
Relationship.
HOOYAH & HALLELUJAH to that!
The Coming Messiah -
A New Covenant -
A New Church.
From humanity's fall to its restoration --- the fulfillment of the law of the Old Testament.
Jesus is the Jewish Messiah whose life, death, and resurrection fulfilled the prophesies of the Old Testament. Salvation is for everyone, and it is forever.
The New Testament gives assurance that he will be with us in the middle of challenges or disappointments or failures, and we are to press on and humbly serve God and others, even when it hurts. Especially, when it hurts.
The New Testament is about
Restoration -
Reconciliation -
and a new
Relationship.
HOOYAH & HALLELUJAH to that!
Saturday, June 28, 2014
A doggie bag for God
Day 68
Zechariah
Malachi
It seems disrespectful to have such a title for this post, but when I reviewed these readings and my notes from them, it just fit. Especially with some verses in Malachi...where I can picture myself at God's table, eating the finest of his blessings, then asking the waiter to box up the leftovers for me to take back to God, --the One whom all blessings came from in the first place. He provides the best for me, and I often only have time to give stale, soggy leftovers in return. I feast on my obstacles and worries, and put my faith in that doggie-bag!
Egads!
I guess with that said, it's fitting that one of the first lines in today's reading, was this in Zechariah 1:2 where it says, "The Lord was very angry......" Yep, I would be too. God is and has been telling them, us, me, --that he is not to be shortchanged. That he is to be respected and honored. That he wants our sincerity and our obedience. Our faith. And we've not listened. It goes on to say, ".......'Return to me,' declares the Lord Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the Lord Almighty." He calls us back again and again as in Zechariah 3:6 where it says, "If you will walk in my ways and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here."
Yet time after time we choose to stand over there with our sins of doubt, or off yonder on our own. Or maybe that's just me. I sometimes feel off yonder on my own even when I'm trying to stand in the courts with God! But I'm reassured in that God notices. He notices our attempts, imperfect though they may be, to live in sincerity, honor, and obedience of him. He notices those who faithfully honor him and he repeatedly says that if we return to him, he will return to us.
So many challenges lately, so much waiting, so much praying. So much trusting! I love God's words of, "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit."
My prayers will be answered, my tasks accomplished, not by my might and certainly not by my power - but by God's Spirit.
I must trust in that.
That these things we hope for will happen if we diligently obey the Lord our God and give him our first and our best. Not what's leftover, not our doggie bags, but our best.
Zechariah 6:15 says, "..........This will happen if you diligently obey the Lord your God."
God will fulfill his plan and purpose for us. God can move any mountain or person who stands in our way of that.
God will be faithful and righteous to us as our God.
The seed will grow well, the vine will yield its fruit, the ground will produce its crops, and the heavens will drop their dew.
I will save you, and you will be a blessing.
Do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong.
These are the things you are to do:
Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment, do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely.
When we do these things, obey God, honor him, give him our first and our best each day, he will honor us...
Zechariah 9:11 says, "As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will free your prisoners from the waterless pit. Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you......and make you like a warrior's sword."
In Zechariah 10 it says these statements:
I will strengthen...
I will restore...
I will answer...
I will redeem...
The surging sea will be subdued...
Zechariah 13:9 says of those he brings into the fire, "I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people, 'and they will say, "The Lord is our God.'"
I kinda don't like the kind of "refinement" I've had to go through in this "Life with Autism" -- but I can honestly say that through it, every time I've called on his name, he has answered. Not always how I had hoped, but he has answered.
When God promises all of this for us, how can we possibly live in doubt or despair. How can we sit at the table that is each new day and take in the best of it, and just barely think of him at the end of it? How could we ever doubt his timing, his purpose, his plan?
In Malachi 2:16 it says to, "Guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."
In all I am going through what better reminder than that.
Do. Not. Break. Faith.
Why? Because of what Malachi 4:2 says next, "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."
I can hardly wait!
HOOYAH!
Zechariah
Malachi
It seems disrespectful to have such a title for this post, but when I reviewed these readings and my notes from them, it just fit. Especially with some verses in Malachi...where I can picture myself at God's table, eating the finest of his blessings, then asking the waiter to box up the leftovers for me to take back to God, --the One whom all blessings came from in the first place. He provides the best for me, and I often only have time to give stale, soggy leftovers in return. I feast on my obstacles and worries, and put my faith in that doggie-bag!
Egads!
I guess with that said, it's fitting that one of the first lines in today's reading, was this in Zechariah 1:2 where it says, "The Lord was very angry......" Yep, I would be too. God is and has been telling them, us, me, --that he is not to be shortchanged. That he is to be respected and honored. That he wants our sincerity and our obedience. Our faith. And we've not listened. It goes on to say, ".......'Return to me,' declares the Lord Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the Lord Almighty." He calls us back again and again as in Zechariah 3:6 where it says, "If you will walk in my ways and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here."
Yet time after time we choose to stand over there with our sins of doubt, or off yonder on our own. Or maybe that's just me. I sometimes feel off yonder on my own even when I'm trying to stand in the courts with God! But I'm reassured in that God notices. He notices our attempts, imperfect though they may be, to live in sincerity, honor, and obedience of him. He notices those who faithfully honor him and he repeatedly says that if we return to him, he will return to us.
So many challenges lately, so much waiting, so much praying. So much trusting! I love God's words of, "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit."
My prayers will be answered, my tasks accomplished, not by my might and certainly not by my power - but by God's Spirit.
I must trust in that.
That these things we hope for will happen if we diligently obey the Lord our God and give him our first and our best. Not what's leftover, not our doggie bags, but our best.
Zechariah 6:15 says, "..........This will happen if you diligently obey the Lord your God."
God will fulfill his plan and purpose for us. God can move any mountain or person who stands in our way of that.
God will be faithful and righteous to us as our God.
The seed will grow well, the vine will yield its fruit, the ground will produce its crops, and the heavens will drop their dew.
I will save you, and you will be a blessing.
Do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong.
These are the things you are to do:
Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment, do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely.
When we do these things, obey God, honor him, give him our first and our best each day, he will honor us...
Zechariah 9:11 says, "As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will free your prisoners from the waterless pit. Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you......and make you like a warrior's sword."
In Zechariah 10 it says these statements:
I will strengthen...
I will restore...
I will answer...
I will redeem...
The surging sea will be subdued...
Zechariah 13:9 says of those he brings into the fire, "I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people, 'and they will say, "The Lord is our God.'"
I kinda don't like the kind of "refinement" I've had to go through in this "Life with Autism" -- but I can honestly say that through it, every time I've called on his name, he has answered. Not always how I had hoped, but he has answered.
When God promises all of this for us, how can we possibly live in doubt or despair. How can we sit at the table that is each new day and take in the best of it, and just barely think of him at the end of it? How could we ever doubt his timing, his purpose, his plan?
In Malachi 2:16 it says to, "Guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."
In all I am going through what better reminder than that.
Do. Not. Break. Faith.
Why? Because of what Malachi 4:2 says next, "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."
I can hardly wait!
HOOYAH!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Evil will not last forever.
Day 67
Nahum
Habakkuk
Zephaniah
Haggai
Nahum:
For the Book of Nahum I like what my Women's Bible says about it in summary:
"Nahum's message firmly asserts that we can stand in respect and reverence before God, knowing that evildoers will have their day of reckoning no matter how powerful or persuasive they may seem to be right now."
Right now where I am in "Life with Autism" that gives me such HOPEISM. There are so many evildoers. Pharma, Vaccine Corruption, the Media who fall for their propaganda.... Hospitals that are supposed to help instead kidnapping children from their parents. Agencies that cut services, insurance companies who don't cover much needed therapy for our children. It's just...overwhelming the amount of evil we must advocate against. It is unfathomable the evil of those who abuse our innocent children, youth, and adult with disabilities. But those words in this title, "Evil will not last forever...." give me such hope. God promises that evil will be destroyed, no matter how rich, how powerful, or how beautiful the enemy is. God promises that in Him, there is always reason for hope.
Nahum 1:3 says, "....the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished."
Nahum 1:7 says, "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him, but with an overwhelming flood he will make an end of Nineveh; he will pursue his foes into darkness."
It is overwhelming the power Pharma has over this Nation, it is unfathomable the lies and corruption within Vaccine Policy. I know it's not what I should be taking away from this book, but how God will right all these wrongs done to our children is what gives me hope each day...
A companion to this days reading had this summary that I love:
* God takes vengeance on bealf of his oppressed people; he will not let the wicked go unpunished.
* God is slow to anger, great in power.
* God is good and a refuge for his people.
* God cares for those who trust in him.
* God is mighty to save.
These verses...
Nahum 3:5 which says, "I am against you," declares the Lord Almighty. "I will lift your skirts over your face. I will show the nations your nakedness and the kingdoms your shame. I will pelt you with filth, I will treat you with contempt and make you a spectacle. All who see you will flee from you and say, 'Nineveh is in ruins --who will mourn for her?' Where can I find anyone to comfort you?"
Then this book ends with a really big standing ovation as far as I'm concerned, with regard to Pharma and Vaccine Corruption...
Nahum 3:19
"Nothing can heal your wound; your injury is fatal. Everyone who hears the news about you clap his hands at your fall, for who has not felt your endless cruelty?"
Oh, for the HOPEISM of that......
Habakkuk:
God isn't fair. That thought has crossed my mind a time or two or ten thousand over the last couple years..... All the sin around us, the violence, destruction, injustice in courts, and evil outnumbering good it seems. All the struggles and obstacles and unfairness in "Life with Autism," it's just not fair!
I guess I'm a lot like Habakkuk in that regard. I get so frustrated when it seems God isn't righting the wrongs fast enough. Or seemingly at all.
Habakkuk 1:2
How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.
I guess the answer then is the same as now....
Not much longer....
Habakkuk 1:5
"Look at the nations and watch -- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
I guess that's what keeps me somewhat sane and filled with HOPEISM. That one day when our faith meets God's faithfulness, when his plans and purposes for us come to fruition, we will be utterly amazed. God's neat like that. Not just amazed. Utterly amazed. It makes the not understanding the "why's" and "wait's" of now kinda worth it. Just knowing and trusting that my Sovereign God has a Sovereign plan to prosper me. My sons. My family.
I like how "The Message" states Habakkuk 1:13. I've caught myself saying a time or two or ten thousand, this very thing....asking God "are you serious?" after another seizure, another regression, another weight plummet, another all-nighter..........
But you can’t be serious!
You can’t condone evil!
So why don’t you do something about this?
Why are you silent now?
This outrage! Evil men swallow up the righteous
and you stand around and watch!
But, as I'm slowly learning the hard way, I must simply trust in God through those hard times. When God closes a door, he always opens a window. Though sometimes it's tough waiting! And God is always, always, always working in us and through us while we're waiting. If I know anything at all about hard times and waiting, it is that. God is there. I am not alone. There is purpose. I must trust in Him no matter what happens. God is powerful. More powerful than any injustice or challenge we face. In Habakkuk 2:18 it says, "Of what value is an idol, since a man has carved it? Or an image that teaches lies? For he who makes it trusts in his own creation; he makes idols that cannot speak."
In Genesis 1:3 "The Message" it says this: God spoke: "Light!" And light appeared.
How powerful is God that he merely speaks something and it is formed, created!
That sure silences my complaining, just the sheer realization of his power.
I need to trust in Him and wait for His timing.
Zephaniah:
The day of the Lord is near....
Very near for the autism community, as in today the new CDC prevalence rates of autism were announced as 1 in 68.
Zephaniah 1:15 says, "That day will be a day of wrath, a day of distress and anguish, a day of trouble and ruin, a day of darkness and gloom, a day of clouds and blackness, a day of trumpet and battle cry against the fortified cities and against the corner towers."
Just as the Lord warned the people of that time of the coming destruction if they didn't change their ways, so too have we autism parents warned our government that the epidemic of autism will only get worse in time.
Some days are so discouraging when you are in the position you are in not because of your disobedience, but because of others greed. And like it says in Zephaniah 2:3, we must simply "Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the Lord's anger."
We must remain obedient, remain steadfast, remain hopeful.
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
He promises in 3:19, "At that time I will deal with all who oppressed you; I will rescue the lame and gather those who have been scattered. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they were put to shame."
Hang on Brandon........
Hang on........
Haggai:
It's a lesson I always learn the hard way. God's presence is the key to restoration. Not doctors, not books, not anything else but God. God must come first.
This is a short book, short versus, but thought provoking ones.
Haggai 1:7 says, "Give careful thought to your ways." It goes on to say, "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away." Why? declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house."
It's a lesson I am still learning. Building God's temple is the key to the restoration of God's presence. Then, and now. Putting God first is the key to restoration in everything in our lives. I know that, yet it is so easy to overlook. When God's house is in order in our heart and in our mind, then our house will be in order. God must come first.
And when we do that.......
Haggai 2:9 promises, "'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house. And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the Lord Almighty."
I can handle the present being more glorious than the past.
And more peaceful...
Nahum
Habakkuk
Zephaniah
Haggai
Nahum:
For the Book of Nahum I like what my Women's Bible says about it in summary:
"Nahum's message firmly asserts that we can stand in respect and reverence before God, knowing that evildoers will have their day of reckoning no matter how powerful or persuasive they may seem to be right now."
Right now where I am in "Life with Autism" that gives me such HOPEISM. There are so many evildoers. Pharma, Vaccine Corruption, the Media who fall for their propaganda.... Hospitals that are supposed to help instead kidnapping children from their parents. Agencies that cut services, insurance companies who don't cover much needed therapy for our children. It's just...overwhelming the amount of evil we must advocate against. It is unfathomable the evil of those who abuse our innocent children, youth, and adult with disabilities. But those words in this title, "Evil will not last forever...." give me such hope. God promises that evil will be destroyed, no matter how rich, how powerful, or how beautiful the enemy is. God promises that in Him, there is always reason for hope.
Nahum 1:3 says, "....the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished."
Nahum 1:7 says, "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him, but with an overwhelming flood he will make an end of Nineveh; he will pursue his foes into darkness."
It is overwhelming the power Pharma has over this Nation, it is unfathomable the lies and corruption within Vaccine Policy. I know it's not what I should be taking away from this book, but how God will right all these wrongs done to our children is what gives me hope each day...
A companion to this days reading had this summary that I love:
* God takes vengeance on bealf of his oppressed people; he will not let the wicked go unpunished.
* God is slow to anger, great in power.
* God is good and a refuge for his people.
* God cares for those who trust in him.
* God is mighty to save.
These verses...
Nahum 3:5 which says, "I am against you," declares the Lord Almighty. "I will lift your skirts over your face. I will show the nations your nakedness and the kingdoms your shame. I will pelt you with filth, I will treat you with contempt and make you a spectacle. All who see you will flee from you and say, 'Nineveh is in ruins --who will mourn for her?' Where can I find anyone to comfort you?"
Then this book ends with a really big standing ovation as far as I'm concerned, with regard to Pharma and Vaccine Corruption...
Nahum 3:19
"Nothing can heal your wound; your injury is fatal. Everyone who hears the news about you clap his hands at your fall, for who has not felt your endless cruelty?"
Oh, for the HOPEISM of that......
Habakkuk:
God isn't fair. That thought has crossed my mind a time or two or ten thousand over the last couple years..... All the sin around us, the violence, destruction, injustice in courts, and evil outnumbering good it seems. All the struggles and obstacles and unfairness in "Life with Autism," it's just not fair!
I guess I'm a lot like Habakkuk in that regard. I get so frustrated when it seems God isn't righting the wrongs fast enough. Or seemingly at all.
Habakkuk 1:2
How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.
I guess the answer then is the same as now....
Not much longer....
Habakkuk 1:5
"Look at the nations and watch -- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
I guess that's what keeps me somewhat sane and filled with HOPEISM. That one day when our faith meets God's faithfulness, when his plans and purposes for us come to fruition, we will be utterly amazed. God's neat like that. Not just amazed. Utterly amazed. It makes the not understanding the "why's" and "wait's" of now kinda worth it. Just knowing and trusting that my Sovereign God has a Sovereign plan to prosper me. My sons. My family.
I like how "The Message" states Habakkuk 1:13. I've caught myself saying a time or two or ten thousand, this very thing....asking God "are you serious?" after another seizure, another regression, another weight plummet, another all-nighter..........
But you can’t be serious!
You can’t condone evil!
So why don’t you do something about this?
Why are you silent now?
This outrage! Evil men swallow up the righteous
and you stand around and watch!
But, as I'm slowly learning the hard way, I must simply trust in God through those hard times. When God closes a door, he always opens a window. Though sometimes it's tough waiting! And God is always, always, always working in us and through us while we're waiting. If I know anything at all about hard times and waiting, it is that. God is there. I am not alone. There is purpose. I must trust in Him no matter what happens. God is powerful. More powerful than any injustice or challenge we face. In Habakkuk 2:18 it says, "Of what value is an idol, since a man has carved it? Or an image that teaches lies? For he who makes it trusts in his own creation; he makes idols that cannot speak."
In Genesis 1:3 "The Message" it says this: God spoke: "Light!" And light appeared.
How powerful is God that he merely speaks something and it is formed, created!
That sure silences my complaining, just the sheer realization of his power.
I need to trust in Him and wait for His timing.
Zephaniah:
The day of the Lord is near....
Very near for the autism community, as in today the new CDC prevalence rates of autism were announced as 1 in 68.
Zephaniah 1:15 says, "That day will be a day of wrath, a day of distress and anguish, a day of trouble and ruin, a day of darkness and gloom, a day of clouds and blackness, a day of trumpet and battle cry against the fortified cities and against the corner towers."
Just as the Lord warned the people of that time of the coming destruction if they didn't change their ways, so too have we autism parents warned our government that the epidemic of autism will only get worse in time.
Some days are so discouraging when you are in the position you are in not because of your disobedience, but because of others greed. And like it says in Zephaniah 2:3, we must simply "Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the Lord's anger."
We must remain obedient, remain steadfast, remain hopeful.
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
He promises in 3:19, "At that time I will deal with all who oppressed you; I will rescue the lame and gather those who have been scattered. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they were put to shame."
Hang on Brandon........
Hang on........
Haggai:
It's a lesson I always learn the hard way. God's presence is the key to restoration. Not doctors, not books, not anything else but God. God must come first.
This is a short book, short versus, but thought provoking ones.
Haggai 1:7 says, "Give careful thought to your ways." It goes on to say, "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away." Why? declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house."
It's a lesson I am still learning. Building God's temple is the key to the restoration of God's presence. Then, and now. Putting God first is the key to restoration in everything in our lives. I know that, yet it is so easy to overlook. When God's house is in order in our heart and in our mind, then our house will be in order. God must come first.
And when we do that.......
Haggai 2:9 promises, "'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house. And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the Lord Almighty."
I can handle the present being more glorious than the past.
And more peaceful...
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