I am sure that many names of God would cover how God is a God of love, of unconditional love to be exact; but for today on Valentine's Day, I simply wanted to reflect on how God is simply love.
Valentine's Day for a few years now has given us a new appreciation for the unconditional love God has for us.
It was on Valentine's Day after Brandon turned 18, that we had our actual appearance in court before a Judge with our lawyer and Brandon's appointed lawyer - to be granted Guardianship of him.
I love how that court date was on Valentine's Day. I didn't love that our only date that day was to appear in court - but hey..... I love how Todd and I stood before that Judge and promised to care for and advocate for our son. Our son who can give us nothing in return but that which we crave most - unconditional love.
Caring for him all these years has taught us about God's unconditional love for us.
And on Valentine's Day each year, we go through the process of renewing that commitment to Brandon, to the court.
In doing that, I always think about how God moment by moment renews His commitment of unconditional love to me...
He loves me even though I have nothing to give Him in return...
He loves me despite how challenging I am...
He will never abandon me...
He will never betray me...
He will never hurt me...
God is love.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
God is a Merciful Protector...
For this day's "Names of God" I must go with simply how God is a merciful protector.
All the ways that God has had our back are too numerous to count. With all of Brandon's seizures and the horrific falls - holes in the walls - broken bones and teeth -- I can do nothing but marvel at how often, how completely, God has had his back. God has always had his back, and He always will have his back.
Unlike a cat and the proverbial nine lives, God's mercy is infinite and inexhaustible.
I witnessed that yet again when out gardening while Brandon was jumping on the trampoline. He has never, ever fallen from the trampoline while jumping in any form or fashion. But on this day he did. I didn't see it, I only heard it as he hit the ground.
What could have been.......well I won't even go there.
Because it wasn't.
God is a Merciful Protector.
(And we are ordering a new net enclosure for our trampoline.)
All the ways that God has had our back are too numerous to count. With all of Brandon's seizures and the horrific falls - holes in the walls - broken bones and teeth -- I can do nothing but marvel at how often, how completely, God has had his back. God has always had his back, and He always will have his back.
Unlike a cat and the proverbial nine lives, God's mercy is infinite and inexhaustible.
I witnessed that yet again when out gardening while Brandon was jumping on the trampoline. He has never, ever fallen from the trampoline while jumping in any form or fashion. But on this day he did. I didn't see it, I only heard it as he hit the ground.
What could have been.......well I won't even go there.
Because it wasn't.
God is a Merciful Protector.
(And we are ordering a new net enclosure for our trampoline.)
Friday, February 12, 2016
El Deah
The God of Knowledge.
It was an overwhelming day of conflict. When I sat at my desk this morning, I was staring at the names of God I had written in my notebook wondering which one I would pray about today. I needed much wisdom, so I chose El Deah, the God of Knowledge.
Wisdom comes from the Lord, so often I have found myself turning every where else but to him. It is hard to remember to do that... In my daily life with autism, seizures, and everything else, I'm trying to be a doctor, a biochemist, a culinary master of special diets, a teacher, a caregiver, a nurse. Let alone wife and mother to another son. Long gone spontaneous or the luxury of just being me. I've been at this cross-roads before and will no doubt be there again - where I once again must surrender to the knowledge only God possesses. The wisdom only he possesses.
I find great comfort in Romans 11:33-36
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?" "Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.
There is nothing for God to learn.
He is the God of knowledge. ALL knowledge. He knows all, sees all, is over all.
I thought about that all day.
The peace and comfort of knowing that I serve a God who knows all...
And who will hopefully share a few bits of that with me...
Like, soon.
(smile)
It was an overwhelming day of conflict. When I sat at my desk this morning, I was staring at the names of God I had written in my notebook wondering which one I would pray about today. I needed much wisdom, so I chose El Deah, the God of Knowledge.
Wisdom comes from the Lord, so often I have found myself turning every where else but to him. It is hard to remember to do that... In my daily life with autism, seizures, and everything else, I'm trying to be a doctor, a biochemist, a culinary master of special diets, a teacher, a caregiver, a nurse. Let alone wife and mother to another son. Long gone spontaneous or the luxury of just being me. I've been at this cross-roads before and will no doubt be there again - where I once again must surrender to the knowledge only God possesses. The wisdom only he possesses.
I find great comfort in Romans 11:33-36
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?" "Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.
There is nothing for God to learn.
He is the God of knowledge. ALL knowledge. He knows all, sees all, is over all.
I thought about that all day.
The peace and comfort of knowing that I serve a God who knows all...
And who will hopefully share a few bits of that with me...
Like, soon.
(smile)
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Do you still not understand?
Day 71
Mark 1 - 8
The book of Mark...
It's definitely one for the action-packed "Superhero" in you. It's the "Fantastic Four of Faith" in how Jesus calms the storms, walks on water, dies, and comes back to life.
It is about remaining faithful no matter what the cost.
It is about persevering through trials and suffering as Jesus did.
And this day's reading....is about believing, and remembering. It is about in times when life, or in my case - "Life with Autism, Seizures, and a side of Trauma", gets hard and things go wrong to remember all the stories of when life was right. The moments in life with autism when it was fairly easygoing. These first pages of Mark are about Jesus driving out evil spirits, healing many, praying, healing, bring back to life, feeding many with little, and honoring the Sabbath. It's about gaining a deeper understanding from very simple parables of how we should use God's word...
It is about having the faith of a mustard seed.
It's about this simple line from Mark 5:36 where Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe."
Mark 4:13
Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? The farmer sows the word. Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop -- thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown."
I sit here renewed with the HOPEISM of how I want God's word to take hold in my life...
There is much to be amazed by in this days reading, but I think for me, what makes me laugh in amazement of my own --- shallowness of faith at times shall we say? --- is found here:
Mark 8:17-21 - of which I shall paraphrase the opening and ending line...
Aware of Michelle's doubting at times, Jesus asks her: "Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don't you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?"
"Twelve," they replied.
"And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?"
They answered, "Seven."
He said to Michelle, "Do you still not understand?"
No.....sadly at times this thick skull of mine still hasn't fully comprehended the extent of how God truly has my back in all things, and especially in all things life with autism.....
Mark 1 - 8
The book of Mark...
It's definitely one for the action-packed "Superhero" in you. It's the "Fantastic Four of Faith" in how Jesus calms the storms, walks on water, dies, and comes back to life.
It is about remaining faithful no matter what the cost.
It is about persevering through trials and suffering as Jesus did.
And this day's reading....is about believing, and remembering. It is about in times when life, or in my case - "Life with Autism, Seizures, and a side of Trauma", gets hard and things go wrong to remember all the stories of when life was right. The moments in life with autism when it was fairly easygoing. These first pages of Mark are about Jesus driving out evil spirits, healing many, praying, healing, bring back to life, feeding many with little, and honoring the Sabbath. It's about gaining a deeper understanding from very simple parables of how we should use God's word...
It is about having the faith of a mustard seed.
It's about this simple line from Mark 5:36 where Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe."
Mark 4:13
Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? The farmer sows the word. Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop -- thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown."
I sit here renewed with the HOPEISM of how I want God's word to take hold in my life...
There is much to be amazed by in this days reading, but I think for me, what makes me laugh in amazement of my own --- shallowness of faith at times shall we say? --- is found here:
Mark 8:17-21 - of which I shall paraphrase the opening and ending line...
Aware of Michelle's doubting at times, Jesus asks her: "Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don't you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?"
"Twelve," they replied.
"And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?"
They answered, "Seven."
He said to Michelle, "Do you still not understand?"
No.....sadly at times this thick skull of mine still hasn't fully comprehended the extent of how God truly has my back in all things, and especially in all things life with autism.....
Yahweh Nissi
The LORD my banner. The LORD who gives us victory in spiritual warfare.
When I sat down before Lent began to write out in my journal the 40 "Names of God" I wanted to use, this one wasn't listed for today. But, much like my "Life with Autism, Seizures, and a side of Trauma" doesn't follow any schedules or rules - neither did my Lent plan.
I woke up to the choking sounds of Brandon having a seizure, then another one, and then when I had a moment to check on our dogs, found that one of them has a cloudy patch on his eye, not to mention the cyst-like lump under his leg. Not that that's all it takes to rock my world - the other dog has a torn ligament that probably needs surgery if we could afford it, and the other dog just got over three rounds of some funky something with her eye. Then there's the relentless seizures, and the fact that it's only February 11th and I've spent a small fortune on out-of-pocket expenses in trying to deal with said seizures. These things may be merely "things" - but they are actually more than that. They are spiritual warfare satan uses to cause doubt and disappointment for the soul purpose of causing us to depart from our faith!
Yes, I'm sure for some, the thinking is, "Where's my violin to play you a sob-story." It's easy to think that, but unless you've been the Charlie Daniels band as we warrior parents are, and have had to constantly challenge the devil to duel, you might just put your "fiddle" down and walk away.
We battle every.single.day. Not one thing, but many things. We juggle more flaming swords than most could ever comprehend, and for longer than most could ever endure.
So that's why my thoughts this morning were to search out the name I had written down for "The LORD my banner."
Today is a day I need Yahweh Nissi.
So many battles. Health for my son and my dogs, finances to somehow cover it all, the spiritual warfare of not losing my HOPEISM through it all.
When you are a child of God, you are under His banner. His protection. My son who is in the military, gawd-forbid, if he should ever have to fight for our freedom, his fight will of course also be under God's banner, but also under the Navy flag - the Navy banner. He will fight under that flag for protection and he will celebrate victory under that flag.
I must remember that in this "Life with Autism" battle -- it is not under any other banner but God's that I fight it. Not a doctor's, not my own, not anything but under God's banner. No matter what the battle we are facing, we are fighting, we are weary of, -- we must fight it under God's banner because that is the only banner under which we will have true victory. God, is the only force strong enough to defeat autism, seizures, any battle we face, -- including satan.
Fighting under Yahweh Nissi makes us more than conquerors.
It makes us victorious.
And Team Guppy is sure hoping for a few victories.
I would love nothing more than to be like Moses in building an altar as a symbol of deliverance from this battle of seizures we are so weary of fighting. An altar that will symbolize how we faithfully fought under God's banner -- and were victorious.
To HOPEISM!
NDCQ
Now...I know you're thinking of the song "Devil went Down To Georgia" - so click here for link to watch the video!
When I sat down before Lent began to write out in my journal the 40 "Names of God" I wanted to use, this one wasn't listed for today. But, much like my "Life with Autism, Seizures, and a side of Trauma" doesn't follow any schedules or rules - neither did my Lent plan.
I woke up to the choking sounds of Brandon having a seizure, then another one, and then when I had a moment to check on our dogs, found that one of them has a cloudy patch on his eye, not to mention the cyst-like lump under his leg. Not that that's all it takes to rock my world - the other dog has a torn ligament that probably needs surgery if we could afford it, and the other dog just got over three rounds of some funky something with her eye. Then there's the relentless seizures, and the fact that it's only February 11th and I've spent a small fortune on out-of-pocket expenses in trying to deal with said seizures. These things may be merely "things" - but they are actually more than that. They are spiritual warfare satan uses to cause doubt and disappointment for the soul purpose of causing us to depart from our faith!
Yes, I'm sure for some, the thinking is, "Where's my violin to play you a sob-story." It's easy to think that, but unless you've been the Charlie Daniels band as we warrior parents are, and have had to constantly challenge the devil to duel, you might just put your "fiddle" down and walk away.
We battle every.single.day. Not one thing, but many things. We juggle more flaming swords than most could ever comprehend, and for longer than most could ever endure.
So that's why my thoughts this morning were to search out the name I had written down for "The LORD my banner."
Today is a day I need Yahweh Nissi.
So many battles. Health for my son and my dogs, finances to somehow cover it all, the spiritual warfare of not losing my HOPEISM through it all.
When you are a child of God, you are under His banner. His protection. My son who is in the military, gawd-forbid, if he should ever have to fight for our freedom, his fight will of course also be under God's banner, but also under the Navy flag - the Navy banner. He will fight under that flag for protection and he will celebrate victory under that flag.
I must remember that in this "Life with Autism" battle -- it is not under any other banner but God's that I fight it. Not a doctor's, not my own, not anything but under God's banner. No matter what the battle we are facing, we are fighting, we are weary of, -- we must fight it under God's banner because that is the only banner under which we will have true victory. God, is the only force strong enough to defeat autism, seizures, any battle we face, -- including satan.
Fighting under Yahweh Nissi makes us more than conquerors.
It makes us victorious.
And Team Guppy is sure hoping for a few victories.
I would love nothing more than to be like Moses in building an altar as a symbol of deliverance from this battle of seizures we are so weary of fighting. An altar that will symbolize how we faithfully fought under God's banner -- and were victorious.
To HOPEISM!
NDCQ
Now...I know you're thinking of the song "Devil went Down To Georgia" - so click here for link to watch the video!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Elohim
The strong creator God. God, Mighty Creator.
I am praying the names of God for Lent...and sharing through this blog because I hope to go back each Lent and study these names more, learn more, and expand on these thoughts.
But for this Lent, this year....for the next 40 days (you do not count Sunday's during Lent) these Names of God are what I will pray about and these thoughts I will reflect on in how they apply to my daily life.
Elohim
The journey begins here. God created.
Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth."
There is such muchness in that! In the world of unknowns I live in, I can rest assured that I know this... God created this world and all who inhabit it. I am not here by chance, because of an explosion, not from evolution, not by anything but God!
In my life of chaos, I find such peace and comfort in that.
I am praying the names of God for Lent...and sharing through this blog because I hope to go back each Lent and study these names more, learn more, and expand on these thoughts.
But for this Lent, this year....for the next 40 days (you do not count Sunday's during Lent) these Names of God are what I will pray about and these thoughts I will reflect on in how they apply to my daily life.
Elohim
The journey begins here. God created.
Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth."
There is such muchness in that! In the world of unknowns I live in, I can rest assured that I know this... God created this world and all who inhabit it. I am not here by chance, because of an explosion, not from evolution, not by anything but God!
In my life of chaos, I find such peace and comfort in that.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Failing better...
I was going to continue my "Journey through the Bible" readings --- that "The Bible in 90 Days" program I began two years ago... I'm on Day 71.
But I got distracted.
With the new movie out "War Room" and a need to revitalize my own personal prayer focus - I thought instead I would get out all my prayer devotionals and each day read that days prayer focus. Stacked them on my desk front and center with a vow to each morning before FB, go through the stack of that day's reading.
I began today.
And out of the stack of five books, two of today's readings were about failure.
Totally applicable today.
My son was to return to school today after 36 days home due to a broken clavicle from yet another seizure.
He couldn't.
Another seizure.
All those plans made today where I could totally enjoy freedom from my caregiving captivity - failed.
It seems of late with all the seizure setbacks - my prayers have been a failure too. I don't know how one can pray wrong unless you just don't pray, but obviously I feel that I am praying wrong. Not long enough, hard enough, often enough, sincere enough, etc.
I think satan likes it when I think that. Which is why I guess God nudged me to read today's readings, today.
One quote in one book's reading for today was:
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
That goes along with my motto NDCQ - stolen from the Navy SEAL who coined the term. NDCQ is a warrior mentality. An attitude that you can only be beaten in two ways: If you give up, or if you die. NDCQ is Not Dead Can't Quit. I embrace that motto so deeply because it doesn't guarantee you will win every battle. It just encourages you to continue the fight. And in that -- you will never lose. Dream! Dare! Do! NDCQ! Is another way they use that motto. I love it. It encourages me to keep dreaming of a seizure-free life for Brandon. It motivates me to continue to dare to defy defeat. It pushes me to keep doing all I can.
The other book for today's reading was titled, "Returning to your Failure." The opening scripture was from Luke 5:5.
But Simon answered and said to Him, "Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net."
The reading began with, "No one knows how to help you in your times of failure as Jesus does! He will give you victory in the midst of your failure."
Sometimes I feel like Peter in the illustration used. I have prayed so often for wisdom how to control Brandon's seizures, how to figure out what is triggering them so I could address that issue to hopefully heal him. I have cast my prayers over and over into the darkness of night, but time and time again, the net has come back empty. No fish, just more seizures.
I'm not sure I'll ever understand the "why's" in any of that. I suppose though, it's not my job too.
My job is to simply cast that net.
To dream, to dare, to do.
To Never Quit.
To know that whenever I cast my net in obedience to God's word, it will never come back empty of what it is I truly need.
And you know what?
It hasn't.
Ever.
I do need to work on failing better, (and perhaps with a few less curse words). But even more than that, I need to remember what it truly means to win.
NDCQ
But I got distracted.
With the new movie out "War Room" and a need to revitalize my own personal prayer focus - I thought instead I would get out all my prayer devotionals and each day read that days prayer focus. Stacked them on my desk front and center with a vow to each morning before FB, go through the stack of that day's reading.
I began today.
And out of the stack of five books, two of today's readings were about failure.
Totally applicable today.
My son was to return to school today after 36 days home due to a broken clavicle from yet another seizure.
He couldn't.
Another seizure.
All those plans made today where I could totally enjoy freedom from my caregiving captivity - failed.
It seems of late with all the seizure setbacks - my prayers have been a failure too. I don't know how one can pray wrong unless you just don't pray, but obviously I feel that I am praying wrong. Not long enough, hard enough, often enough, sincere enough, etc.
I think satan likes it when I think that. Which is why I guess God nudged me to read today's readings, today.
One quote in one book's reading for today was:
"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
That goes along with my motto NDCQ - stolen from the Navy SEAL who coined the term. NDCQ is a warrior mentality. An attitude that you can only be beaten in two ways: If you give up, or if you die. NDCQ is Not Dead Can't Quit. I embrace that motto so deeply because it doesn't guarantee you will win every battle. It just encourages you to continue the fight. And in that -- you will never lose. Dream! Dare! Do! NDCQ! Is another way they use that motto. I love it. It encourages me to keep dreaming of a seizure-free life for Brandon. It motivates me to continue to dare to defy defeat. It pushes me to keep doing all I can.
The other book for today's reading was titled, "Returning to your Failure." The opening scripture was from Luke 5:5.
But Simon answered and said to Him, "Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net."
The reading began with, "No one knows how to help you in your times of failure as Jesus does! He will give you victory in the midst of your failure."
Sometimes I feel like Peter in the illustration used. I have prayed so often for wisdom how to control Brandon's seizures, how to figure out what is triggering them so I could address that issue to hopefully heal him. I have cast my prayers over and over into the darkness of night, but time and time again, the net has come back empty. No fish, just more seizures.
I'm not sure I'll ever understand the "why's" in any of that. I suppose though, it's not my job too.
My job is to simply cast that net.
To dream, to dare, to do.
To Never Quit.
To know that whenever I cast my net in obedience to God's word, it will never come back empty of what it is I truly need.
And you know what?
It hasn't.
Ever.
I do need to work on failing better, (and perhaps with a few less curse words). But even more than that, I need to remember what it truly means to win.
NDCQ
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